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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Well, she found God.
In no way am I judging anyone who has been saved though the Lord, but this just takes the cake when related to our particular circumstances.
We once enjoyed the most amazing intimacy and sex life.
We have now had sex once in the past five years, and all levels of intimacy have left. There are no hugs or kisses, no holding hands and no cuddling on the sofa.
During all that time, my wife has steadfastly maintained a stubborn refusal to even discuss the issue, or to attend counselling either together or separately. No explanation has been given for the change despite my hundreds of attempts to discuss this with her.
Every single attempt by me to broach the subject has been shot down.
And then she found God.
I have to admit that at first I was truly hopeful that this may offer her some clarity and perhaps open her to either a frank discussion with me, or even find a counselor within her church with whom to discuss this.
Alas, no.
I again tried to discuss our circumstances with her, and during the conversation alluded to the fact that her new-found spiritual awakening may open the lines of communication between us, it did not go well.
Apparently, I am a heathen who has only sex on my mind and how dare I even presume to associate her new state of grace with the sinful act of sex.
*Sigh*
If I didn't believe that it would irrevocably damage our two adopted daughters I would be out of there so fast.

Thanks for 'listening', and end of rant.
Picklebobble · 56-60, M
Suggest that she leaves.
Tell her that if she wants to redefine your marriage or relationship you'd be willing to listen. But she's not going to sit there and enjoy her version of whatever life she thinks she has without putting in any effort to your relationship.
Sounds harsh I know. But you can't turn round and say I'm right because I believe in God and there's an end to it.
That's what self righteous idiots do !
And you know she's not one of them.!
Suggest that if this is how she feels she needs to find somewhere else to live her life.
LuciferMorningstar · 56-60, M
Did she find God or a cult? Only a cult would deny her intimacy with her husband. That would be in order to isolate her and get her away from you. Look into what she is doing (sex or no sex) before it is too late!
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Peaches · F
I'm so sorry, but it's common for this to happen in certain age groups I believe. 🥀 Take heart in knowing you're not alone. It's just a sensitive subject and not everyone is open to talking about it, this is wonderful that you are so open and honest.🙂
OzDiver · 61-69, M
Thank you for your kind words
Peaches · F
@OzDiver: 😊👍🏼
Willowsage · 41-45, F
I don't know much about the Bible but I am pretty sure that sex between a husband and wife are A-OK in his eyes. I would even go out on a limb and say she is actually betraying God by denying you this expression of love. Then again I don't read the Bible...so I may be wrong on that. Very admirable of you though to try and stick it out for the kids....just remember sometimes kids can be more damaged by living with a couple in turmoil than living with a couple who decide it is best to separate and lead lives they both enjoy.
Showaddict · 70-79, M
Get thee to therapy! Alone if she refuses to join you ....
Go to therapy alone and seek to understand yourself and what the positives & negatives surrounding the entire relationship.

I agree with Willowsage's comment... The kids can and do pick up on the tension & unhappiness in the home - been there, done that.

Also - think about what are you teaching them regarding love, marriage & relationships by maintaining this 'charade' of a marriage.
Carissimi · 70-79, F
She is treating you with cruelty, and whether she has found God or not, she does not care for your wellbeing. They are ALL excuses.

If she'd really found God, she'd know that Paul says somewhere (it's been a while since I read the Bible) that a wife will submit to her husband and vice versa.

I Corinthians 7:3,4, NIV says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him."

There are plenty of other verses about this, so she is denying what God has brought together, but like I said, God or no God, it's just another excuse.

I'm sorry.
walabby · 61-69, M
Maybe you could study the Bible and find EVERY place where it says that married couples should root like rattlesnakes. It probably wouldn't work, but it'd give you something to do... :(
aradia11 · 61-69, F
Hmm reminds me of a story...little similar...

Husband found God some @# Mormonism.
Wife wanted sex.
Husband refused due to beliefs!!!
Wife Complains... Threatens to go elsewhere.. If he keeps refusing.
Wife has affair w goofy nerd nevet been laid before from work...
Wife gets stalked and thoroughly distort by nerd.
Problem eventually got solved with time...

I don't have an answer like others say council for yourself maybe?
Paliglass · 41-45, F
I went to whole Bible study group about how it is the wife's duty to have sex with her husband and to generally do what he says - that is the simplified gist of it.
So my advice, considering you feel you can't leave, find God too.
Much luck and blessings
Paliglass · 41-45, F
@walabby some men lie to get sex everyday - and some women.
walabby · 61-69, M
@Paliglass Of course they do, but it's not very Christian...
Paliglass · 41-45, F
@walabby neither is the woman in this story it seems
Loveableangel · 51-55, F
So sorry, I've been there once upon a time. I left ...now I can find someone who loves me and wants to share their everything with me. Life is too short to not have affection ❤
OzDiver · 61-69, M
I am just coming to grips with the 'leaving' part. It won't be much longer that I'll stay. As you say, life is too short to not have affection. Thanks for your kind words. ❤
TheletterA · 22-25, M
Dumb. Doesnt god allow sex with husband and wife
TheletterA · 22-25, M
@OzDiver: better get ya holy up
OzDiver · 61-69, M
@TheletterA: That made me laugh SO hard!!!! Thank you!
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
@OzDiver - I soooo know what you mean. My husband will literally be upstairs praying for the kidz whhile i'm downstairs, actually dealing with the temper tantrums. oh boy.
JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M
Time to move on. You have only one life to live. If she does not even want to cuddle with you then what is the point of staying married?
Ozdharma · 61-69, M
What a fucked mind she has got from christians
Angeleyes67 · 56-60, F
OzDiver · 61-69, M
Thanks Angeleyes
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
oh wow. I'm so sorry. My husband is no longer super extreme, he has changed the sect. I also have too. He started acting nicer, and I thought things would change. but instead he's found something to validate me going to hell.
SW-User
[c=#4C0073]what kind of god she found that says sex between married couples is a sin? lol[/c]
OzDiver · 61-69, M
@SW-User I wish I knew! 😕
TheButterfly · 22-25, T
Aww, it's sad :(

 
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