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Trust and Respect

Trust and respect should be present in a relationship for it to be healthy, right? I do trust him but my gut is telling me otherwise.


I had my doubts but it never bothered me until early this year. I have a strong feeling that my partner is cheating on me, from little lies and turning the blame on me. I have been waking up in the middle of the night, having a vision of him sleeping with someone else. But today was my breaking point, I heard his brother telling him it's about time that he gets laid (maybe they did it las night) And him shouting “She suck” repeatedly. Forgetting our call was open, he went into the room realizing that I can hear them. He ended the call shortly after.

How could someone tell you that they plan to marry you and do an act like this?

I normally confront him with everything. I wanted us to be transparent with everything. But now, I can either act dumb and just go with the flow or cut all connections from him?
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Roadsterrider · 51-55, M Best Comment
Trust and respect aren't given in a relationship, they are earned. If you ignore it now, when do you decide you have to open the subject for discussion? In 2 or 3 years when there is a child involved? Maybe 15 years down the road when it is really a whole family that is going to be damaged? I say ask the question, the response will either allow your partner to earn a little trust and respect or let you know that he isn't interested in earning it and just wants to pull the wool over your eyes. Ignoring it just hurts you, a weed has been planted by something you noticed and left on it's own, it will grow and choke everything else out.

One little molehill will eventually turn into a mountain in your relationship.
This message was deleted by its author.

hunkalove · 61-69, M
You could ask him.
Meowsef · 22-25, F
[@45528,hunkalove] I did, that's why I had doubts to begin with. He kept contacts from women I’m not familiar with and he would claim that they’re spam when confronted. He doesn't even put a name on me in his contacts.
hunkalove · 61-69, M
[@665874,Meowsef] No evidence because I wasn't cheating. I think because she liked me she assumed other women did too. She was a lot younger than me, I was her first real boyfriend. Being jealous made her try harder.
Meowsef · 22-25, F
[@45528,hunkalove] Interesting. We’re the same way. He was my first serious relationship. We have been on and off for 8 years.

I have some evidence against him though. I don't base everything on emotion alone, I try to look for proof to justify my feelings.
Oneofthestormboys · 51-55, M
In my experience, gut feeling can be extremely accurate. The little subconscious things start adding up, and finally convince you.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this - it isn’t nice.
Meowsef · 22-25, F
[@477979,Oneofthestormboys] You’re right. It’s only recently that I’ve been feeling this.
Oneofthestormboys · 51-55, M
[@665874,Meowsef] Be confident in yourself, move on and put it down to experience.
Don’t let it define you because it’s not your failing x
Meowsef · 22-25, F
[@477979,Oneofthestormboys] Thank you
Midlifemale · 56-60, M
If you have doubts, ANY doubts at all about his character and truthfulness, DO NOT marry him.
And above all...that he may be cheating or wanting to be with another girl !!!! END IT... or you will be sorry.
Sounds like it may be time for you to move on to someone better
[@665874,Meowsef] you are welcome
Oneofthestormboys · 51-55, M
[@665874,Meowsef] I promise you, however intertwined you are now, it’s absolutely nothing compared to how it would be if you were married and (God forbid) children are involved. Please trust me on this. I know from bitter experience. I promise you that one day you’ll look back and wonder why you didn’t move on sooner. That’s what I would definitely have done if I could relive the past.
Meowsef · 22-25, F
[@477979,Oneofthestormboys] Thank you for sharing your experience. Your advice is greatly appreciated. I'll try to do what I can.
Becksta · 36-40
It's over... he's already showing signs of being a narcissist in his actions - so my question to you is:- Why are you letting him get away with it???

Forget the cheating possibility, that's niether here or there. If he's dismissing you and your feelings now... what is he going to be like when you are married??? Do you envision the rest of your life spent like that and in that environment???
Iamonfire666 · 31-35, F
If you have doubts, certainly don’t marry him. I know you mentioned your life is intertwined now but when you marry and have children, it’s even worse.

 
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