Minions are evolved beings. Worship them, you morons.

In the movie Minions (2015), we learn that the minions have been alive for multiple centuries serving who they think is the most despicable leader (which means they may have been involved in the Holocaust, but that theory is for another day). Initally, this may lead you to believe that minions simply have long lifespans, but there is solid evidence showing that minions are literal immortal gods, or at least divine gifts from god himself.

For starters, not only have we ever seen adolecent minions, but minions lack reproductive organs and are genderless (although they do use male pronouns). If minions lack the capability to reproduce, wouldn't this mean they would have no need to reproduce, implying that they are immortal?

Another thing is that in Despicable Me 2, the minions are injected with a serum that makes them indestructible killing machines. Although the movie makes it look like the minions are only invincible when injected with the serum, there is a scene in Minions (2015) where the minions Kevin, Stuart, and Bob are being "tortured", although none of the torture methods (Streching, Hanging) are effective aginst minions. Minions are also shown to be able to survive after suffering third degree burns and falling at terminal velocity.

Now, if you don't mind, i'm gonna go worship the minion Bob and sacrifice my first-born son to him. Bye.