I Am a Thinker

There is no question that no one will do it for me. Loving myself or feeling alone, has nothing to do with picking up myself, drying my tears, finding the strength again to survive the cause of the pain that has made my tears rolling down. It's up to me, up to my decision, of who I am and who is there for me, to see my victory after each failure I’ve gone through. If there is no one to see it, if there is no hope, then there is no need to stand up, not even self-love, unfortunately. Loneliness is dangerous, it’s addicting, and it can kill you. That is not the right place to gain any strength from to fight for myself. And yes, no one will help me to do it for me, my worth, qualities, my strength will, I gain from those who care, love me, and need me and want me to still stay here. If I feel worthy enough to stand up and to be counted again, I need to acknowledge cons and pros of myself and make a decision. Choices don’t exist, decisions do. It’s all about if I am worthy of them. Worth of loving. Worth of fighting. Self-love comes from your mom, from your parents, friends, from others, how they have treated you while growing up, from criticism of those, who meant to love you, from those, who meant to hurt you. To pick up yourself is not about loving yourself, it's about this strength and desire to hold on and never give up, coming from the knowing that there is someone, anyone, somewhere, who still cares, and if I am worthy of love.