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Am I rude?

This will be long, but PLEASE, hear me out.

So, a week or two ago, I was at dinner with my two friends, who are dating. I asked them what they were doing that night, and they said they were going to see the new Star Wars. I said that it sounded like fun, and then they asked if I had any plans, to which I said "no." After dinner, I had NO CLUE whether or not I was invited to the movie, so I didn't go. The next day my friend questioned me on why I didn't come, saying that I was "totally invited."

A week or so later, the exact same situation happened, and I actually had to be THAT person, who asks whether or not they're invited. They whispered to one another behind the menu, and ultimately decided I could come. But the issue was, that the movie started two hours later after we finished dinner, and no one could decide if we should've kept hanging out or just gone home and met up again at the movie. I kept asking about it, and said "Do you guys want me to follow you home, and then we can hang out, or do you want to just meet up at the movie?" They said they didn't care, and that I should just do whatever I wanted. I told them that I just didn't want to bother them if they wanted to be alone, to which one of my friends responded with "You already do." He said he was joking, but I don't know if he was. So, I followed them to each other's houses so they could change clothes, and then they told me to go to one of their houses and wait in my car and play on my phone while they ran an errand. Then we played a game and went to the movie.

ANYWAY, long story short, was I being rude? Should I have just not asked? Or am I just overthinking everything?
SW-User
Ummm you were not rude. If anything they were rude. You're just trying to figure out what the plan is.
SW-User
I tend to believe what people tell me by both their words and body language, if you are getting a vibe they want to be alone, then just graciously excuse yourself next time.
If they have to whisper behind a menu to figure out if they want you to come, that is not a good sign.
@SW-User Yeah, I guess. I just always feel like I have to ask, and I never want to push myself on people. But at the same time, I don't want to miss out on hanging out with people because I didn't ask.
SW-User
@marilynmichelle BF/GF is different thing altogether you have to assume they want to be left alone if they are debating if they wish you to come along
@SW-User Yeah, you're probably right. I just don't have a lot of friends, and they haven't asked me to hang out as much.
no , they were rude.
SW-User
well the first one is I believe they were the rude ones in not making it clear to you whether they invited you or not. you cant read their mind or they are playing games
Lolco · 36-40, M
^ @SW-User
LyricalOne · F
Sounds like at least one of your friends thinks three’s a crowd.
somerandomkid · 22-25, M
In those situations you should just make a snap judgement and stick with it. Young people are hard to understand so don't bother worrying about it. Next time, just do your best to guess what they're trying to communicate and act like you know you're right. The only thing that makes it awkward is your uncertainty.
Lolco · 36-40, M
I don’t know what to say I don’t wanna say the wrong thing ........ the whispering right infront of you, them not inviting you directly ... & leaving it up to you to invite yourself or claim you were invited .... just think about alll this ok .... I know you know the answers already .... also is possibly that they may feel like you’re the 3rd (in this case 5th wheel) if any of their actions bother you or are hurtful .... my honest opinion is not to be rude or mean at all whatsoever .... but just give them their space .... if they truly value your friendship they’ll come around ... also it’ll allow you to work on you & make you happy without relying on others (sending a whole bunch of love your way best of luck!!!)
Pherick · 41-45, M
I think to be honest, you need to make a decision and stick with it.

Them: "We are going to a movie"

You: "Mind if I tag along? Or is a date night thing?"

Them: "No come with us"

You: OK great, it starts in a couple hours, I will hang out at X location and see you at the movie"

If they want you to do something different, let them tell you.
SW-User
@Pherick thats a clear invite
Hmm. Are these friends your age?
smmartydude · 36-40, M
I think you're thinking too much about this. You are friends...of course you were invited to the movies after you said it sounded fun. If they really are your friends, they will tell you if for whatever reason you're not invited....like maybe they already got tickets and it's sold out or something.
Overthinking. Things like this happen and they're normal. They should not be bigger than they are
@marilynmichelle Sometimes the anxiety can make a simple challenge an overwhelming dilemma. If nothing else, trust that you're making it bigger than it is, because those of us with anxiety are really good at doing that.
@KayraJordyn @KayraJordyn Thanks! You've been a big help!!!!
@marilynmichelle Glad to hear it. Stay kind.
SpaceAce · 31-35, M
No but you are a third wheel.
@SpaceAce It's definitely not a fun wheel to be, haha.
@marilynmichelle On the other hand, trikes are easier to handle than bikes...
SW-User
Overthinking.

 
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