How would you feel if your therapist said this?

I was discussing dating and my intimidation with men. How I want to date but don't feel enough.. due to my issues. I liked she Said I don't need to heal all my Issues or be Perfect to date. That men will have issues too. But then She said "You have a lot of anxiety. You may always have it. It is who you are.. "
On one hand i get she meant to kind oF not be ashamed of my disorder. But on the Other hand it is not who I AM. It is a result of trauma and not truly me. I just let it go but not sure how to Feel...how might you feel?

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CrazyMusicLover · 31-35

I might not understand the entire context but I'd feel fear, resentment and hopelessness. It sounds as if she was saying there's no help for you and that whatever you do, you can't get rid of anxiety and you just have to learn to live some sort of limited life because of it. And I wouldn't accept that for myself. A certain level of anxiety is normal but if it gets in the way of what you really want in your life, then going to the therapist means that you're there to get rid of it, change your thought patterns, deep-rooted beliefs that harm you, processing emotions etc. This acceptance approach makes sense to me when physical limits are the problem, for example the hearing loss, neurodegenerative diseases and so on but in case of psychological issues, I am not so sure the personality traits, temperament or how we process emotions are so fixed and unchangeable things. If I was supposed to accept "this is who I am", she would have to explain it to me on an objectively provable physical limit, like abnormal activity in some part of the brain, faulty release of stress hormones or something like this. Even then there are theories that support the idea of neuroplasticity.

I have a friend who is a psychologist and she told me they were taught that the startle response is something genetic and unchangeable but my own experience is that it changes for me depending on my overall physical health, how much I sleep, how much I eat, what is the situation etc. When I'm sleep deprived, anemic, hungry and what not, being startled feels like being kicked in the chest and it takes longer to calm down my heart rate, if I'm healthy, feeling good, I might jerk/freeze, heart rate increases and gets back to normal quite fast. So idk..

By the way, there is some French movie about people with severe anxiety searching for partners but unfortunately, I don't remember the name. Maybe it was Blind Date (2016) but I'm not sure.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@CrazyMusicLover That is how I felt..hopeless. Because PTSD or anxiety is not the person themselves. Perhaps she MEANT it is a part of me..but said, it is who you are. And that is correct I dont only want to cope with it..I want to at least find strategies to try to be rid of it. To find a different way of thinking..a new blueprint. She said for me to find ways of managing it, which is good too, but I am unsure if she will go deeper with me to really CHANGE how the trauma affected me. Most don't go deeper and don't ask many questions...I have to bring up most things...but you're there for them to dig TOO.
I do enjoy her positive thoughts though that I don't have to be anything, to date. So will see how it goes. Thanks friend 🪻