I feel increasingly isolated and alone

Most days i barely remember and i feel like i barely exist. I have 2 close friends but they don’t live near me and one is getting married with a kid soon, so i feel like we’re probably going to drift apart eventually. Im super antisocial because i generally have a hard time trusting people and a hard time relating to basic things. Ive been slowly trying to better myself on my own but i dont really know if im doing it for me or to feel worthy of gaining a deep connection with someone. Not sure why im putting this here, but i guess i just needed to let it out somehow.