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My year was bitter but ended in a good note

A letter to Myself


It really alot hurt in the beginning, I thought I would be in despair for a life time
But my goodness time heals
3 years of hell , It was rough Self Medicating through Alcohol and chain Smoking, I Knew it was wrong and felt really guilty with every gulp of beer and drag of cigs, but
Endless nights of crying while listening to sad songs and love songs....... I am so sorry that I neglected my self , I am sorry for abusing my body and compromising my health. I hope and pray that poison leaves my system 🙏
I am grateful to be alive and make changes. I am grateful for a new chance to live a clean sober life.
I promise to never poison you again !

Looking back now through healed eyes , all the should have's flood in,

I really could have done something to better my self but being in that state, Why did I think substance abuse was the answer??? I will never know but I can just move on and stop.

I'm proud of myself for taking care of the Debts my expensive habit created.

Very hopeful for 2024 , I just don't want to look back.
The storm passed.
I feel stronger and resilient
Rome wasn't built in a day,
I don't expect over night for everything to become balanced. I have to forgive my short comings and try my best one day at a time
Breathe when stressed and just pray through it.

He surely hurt me but I hurt myself more , I take full accountability. I refuse to blame someone from the past for my present problems!

3 years gone might take another 3 to undue all the damage. I just don't care anymore I walked out wiser along the way I learned to never depend on anyone again. But the only thing I believe in is God! Thank you God the creator for answering my every prayer for allowing me to make mistakes and not burden me in times of trouble 🙏
Please continue to bless me and I pray to never crawl back to that deep dark hell
***Forever greatful 💖 ❤ 💓 ***
Anyone going through something please trust in time! TIME HEALS 🕊🕊🕊🕊
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F Best Comment
I really could have done something to better my self but being in that state

You did. Just not as instant as you thought you would. When we realize we wanna improve we tend to assume it must be in a cold turkey instant black white pull off the patch way. But it's not how it works. Recovery and growth takes time and patience and often includes setbacks.


Why did I think substance abuse was the answer???

Not so much the answer but it was the best you had in life back then. A person without trauma or mental pain have no reason to addiction. They have no need to escape their hurtful reality and mind. But you had. You needed the pain relief to survive.

Why do you think in war the men drink vodka before treating a wound? It numbs the pain. Helps them be still and get help.

The bottle was nothing more than a strategy. The good news is you learned that you can find new strategies to relax that aren't damaging.
RadiantRose · 31-35, F
@Queendragonfly I will save this and read it over and over again 💜 thank you
RadiantRose · 31-35, F
@Queendragonfly Happy holidays 🌟 ⭐ 🌲 🎄

Quimliqer · 70-79, M
Time and understanding are the best physician!!
RadiantRose · 31-35, F
@Quimliqer Absolutely, Happy holidays 🌟 ⭐ 🌲 🎄
Slade · 56-60, M
RadiantRose · 31-35, F
@Slade 🤗🤗🤗
Slade · 56-60, M
@RadiantRose

Awww, so sweet! 🥰

 
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