I need advice

Some how i still tolerate my toxic narcissistic mother from distance , but my sister who has been always negative i haven't spoke to her in ten years, my mother keeps sending me her pictures and stuff she has achieved, i can fully confirm this is not coming from jealousy perspective but rather it makes me wonder... why my mother refuses to respect my boundaries. It also makes me wonder if she is sharing my pictures and stories with her???
I never asked, but it just irritates me , makes me wonder am i a bad person? She asked me to make amends with her a while back and i said No thanks respectfully,
Because people never change , either you whole handedly accept them or leave it as is, i really hate drama and confrontations and my life has been very peaceful ever since i cut off my toxic siblings, in a way it makes me lose respect for my mother.. should i tell her to stop sharing people i don't talk to lives or stories with me, i am just in fear that she will see it as jealousy or accuse me of being rude 😭😭😭

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iamnikki · 31-35, F

I don't think it's rude.
I feel the same way.
My mom tells me all about my siblings and their problems, to the point where I have to stop her.
She probably blabs my issues to them.
I tell my mom less and less about personal issues these days.
Mom will also tell me about cousins occasionally, and what they are doing. I'm pretty sure their parents aren't updating them about what I'm doing so why do I need an update on them?
I see them every few years, and they (cousins) are standoffish so why should I care?
I am also not coming from a place of jealousy.

RadiantRose · 31-35, F

@iamnikki Good for you girl! We shouldn't care how we are perceived just do what is best for us! 🤗 i love sharing my pesonal experience on here and it's good to know others experience the same struggles with family

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@RadiantRose absolutely. I really hope I get what I'm looking for and need, in "chosen family". Because as of right now, it isn't working

JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M

I cut back on what I share with relatives. If I tell my parents something my brothers know.

I once opened up to my grandma about problems I was having with my parents, and she told them. No more secrets for grandma after that.

The only place I divulge now is on here, to be honest.

Except for my health, I do talk to my parents about that. I am getting old enough now that I am starting to share their maladies!

Teslin · M

You're mom is You're mom and probably just wants you and your siblings to "get along" with each other. You may not hang out with them, but she may feel it is important for you to be in their children's lives? It would be nice if your nieces and nephews were in your, as well as your children's lives. Just a thought.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

You’re not a bad person. Guess it’s just that a parent always hopes that their children will have good relationships with each other.

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RadiantRose · 31-35, F

@OlderSometimesWiser She has always been harsh so my inner child fears her judgment, i just ignore what she sends , mostly i even repond positively and say something nice when she share's but tonight my conclusion is to never share anything about myself with her other than casual hello's because I don't want her to share my personal photos or achievements to people who are not in my life , in the meantime i can not afford therapy so i came on this site and it really helps alot, the feed back helps me heal

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@RadiantRose I’m glad you find the site helpful. There really are some great people here.

Kinda sounds like you have a plan in place. Bottom line is doing what’s best for you and helps you heal. 🙂

RadiantRose · 31-35, F

@OlderSometimesWiser Thanks 😊 i most definitely will

Manneeds · 41-45, M

I had to cut off my toxic so called siblings and once i changed my number email and social medias i am alot happier not stressed out im alot calmer now than i was when i was around and talking to them you need to do whats best for you your mentality and emotiins

Auggie · M

I agree with you but it could be worse. Hopefully your mother is not sharing your info with your sister. That would make me pretty upset.

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