My Dad is in the hospital

He fell and has broken ribs and shoulder.
He is also massively confused and we have signed the DNR.

I feel so lost

Send good thoughts x

#mydadhasdementiaandimlosingmymind

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

SandWitch · 26-30, F

I have witnessed several times what you're going through right now with your dad. The very first time for me is what I've always labeled as the 'darkest period' in my life. But then when I witnessed repeated identical situations that followed involving people outside my own family, it suddenly occurred to me that there is some kind of order of purpose behind what seems to be a tragedy in the family.

What I've come to learn is that often a tragedy is mislabeled and turns out to be a blessing in disguise for all concerned, even when it involves our own loved ones. It took me a very long time to come to that place in my mind, but I finally get it now.

The greatest challenge I've ever faced was the day I was backed into a corner by truth itself and it was that same truth that forced me to sign that DNR Order against what I use to call my 'better judgement'.

blackarcher256 · 61-69, M

@SandWitch I feel for you. I’ve been in your shoes. I watched my father….my very best friend in the world…slip away from dementia. He was a brilliant man, a self-taught engineer and inventor, with a far ranging intellect. Dementia slowly robbed him of that and turned him into an empty shell. Even sadder he really didn’t understand what was happening to him. After he died, I found a note he’d written to himself…he had a doctor's appointment that he was trying set his alarm for….the note had clock faces drawn on it in an attempt to remember how to tell time. In a fit of frustration he’d scratched them out and at the bottom of the page he’d written: “I don’t know what’s happening to me….I’m losing my mind…..I don’t know what to do”. I wept when I read that, and even now I tear up thinking about it.

SandWitch · 26-30, F

@blackarcher256
Is there anything I can tell you about dementia that you don't already know about?

blackarcher256 · 61-69, M

@SandWitch l’m sure there is…sorry if I offended you…that was not my intent.

SandWitch · 26-30, F

@blackarcher256
Oh wait! You never offended me! English is not my first language and I only came to SW in the first place to practice my English writing skills. What I wrote to you didn't sound correctly worded to me before I posted it and your response confirms my own suspicions.

What I meant to say was, I have learned a lot about the various types of dementia that are out there and if there is anything about your father's disease that you question as it pertains to the effects of dementia, perhaps I can tell you what I've learned myself.

Sorry for the misunderstanding!

blackarcher256 · 61-69, M

@SandWitch No worrries, sorry I misunderstood your post.

Sadly my father passed about 15 years ago. Since it could possibly be hereditary, and it scares me that I could possibly suffer the same fate, I’ve done a lot of research on the subject. But if I have questions, I’ll certainly contact you.

SandWitch · 26-30, F

@blackarcher256
The good news is, Alzheimers dementia cannot be genetically inherited if a person is over 60 years of age and has experienced no symptoms of dementia up to that point. In other words, if you can make it to 60, there is no chance that you'll possess the rare type of Alzheimer's gene that only affects those under the age of 60. This means that Alzheimers is not a genetic issue of itself, assuming that rare anomaly affecting those under 60 is not an issue either.

Vascular dementia cannot at all be genetically inherited from relatives. There is no genetic link between family members. Vascular dementia is caused by high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Those 4 issues alone are caused from a poor or relatively unhealthy lifestyle one maintains their entire life which leads to those 4 issues over time, which then leads to vascular dementia in the end if they continue. This again is not a genetic issue but is definitely a lifestyle issue.

Hope this helps to relieve some of the fear that surrounds your family's experience with dementia. Feel free to contact me!