Self delusions hopefully the start of the discovery of the real me

Never really know who I am always had others dreams and aspirations but maybe I haven't even began to open the book that is me my story so lost in helping those who only take or don't want to be helped and ruined by others who I couldn't give or help anymore because my loved ones and my soul was extended to the max I never sat back and seen how much I was punishing myself subconsciously and how badly it must appear to others who witnessed this form of stationim and how my I truly was robbing my self of so remote form of anything normal and or healthy but now i have become so barried in my own world of playing victim and never owning up to my own form of weakness an voneralblty that i didn't see that i was my own worst enemy but allso the creater and enabler of my own unick kind of torcher that i have had such negitve self worth and self talk that i felt as if thats what i deserved but also was sum how taking away my family and love ones pain anf endoring it so the wouldnt have to suffer but i now realize that i was only bilding up this fulse sence of self worth and ego that i was atualy doing somw universal good but no more i just have to say it out loud people are worth helping but dont do it becuse you thinkits what's right or some how going to come back around to help you but drop all those selfish thoughts and do it because it's worth doing and it's wright to many others have walked down this life long struggle of lonely ness and suffering that yes you did some good on the way for others but you demolished what fight and hope and possibly that you TeJay Harris deserve to be happy and that your son deserves to see what it really means to be a decently helpful and healthy person thats kind caring and helpful and most importantly health mentally and physically that my son jax wit be a better man than I but also not have to fall in that big hearted egotistical person that help others because they can't figure out that they them self need th[center][/center]e help well now I understand what my true issues are at least some and that gives me a idea of where to start to fix this internal mess I have made of my life and self and I can start to discover how to pic myself up and dust off and move forward with nothing bwgat I think is going on ut hope hopefully is the beginning of the curect foem of