I was nearly court martialed once during my Army career. And totally not my fault.
Let me set a precedent before my story. I had had an injury very early in my life as a kid that I did not know that gave me intestinal bleeding and terrible gas from it. In high school it was a prefect weapon.
So, back to my army days. When I was freshly promoted to sergeant E-5. I was at a new Army post given my squad and sent out to train around the company grounds and to get acquainted with my soldiers. When mid-morning the need to use the bathroom hit me, we were right outside of the company headquarters. So, I went into the headquarters building telling the guys to take a smoke break while I used the bathroom. I walked into the headquarters building just tacking my hat off as we are supposed to do indoors when the first sergeant steps out of his office looking at me and says, "Come here, and that's an order." He was testing my metal as they say as a new sergeant, and not being familiar with each other I went to him, and he barked get into my office and I did so. As soon as I did, I informed him that I had to use the restroom pretty badly. And he took that as disrespect and ordered me to the position of parade rest. Then my platoon's lieutenant walked in the door behind me greeting the 1st sergeant and I again asked to be excused to use the restroom 5 seconds before I knew I was going to fart and kill them with it. They both got upset with me at my request, and I tried to explain about the gas issue, and they ordered me to the position of attention and that is basically saying shut the fuck up unless we tell you to speak. Well, my mouth did not say a word, but my ass barked, and the mustard gas filled the room. The first sergeant threw open the window in his office sticking half his body out of the window, and the lieutenant went for the waste can in the room and puked. The 1st sergeant looked back over his shoulder screaming "Get the Fuck Out of my Office"! I do not know if I passed the metal test but I Damn sure passed the gas test. I ran out farting all the way down the hall to the restroom. while in the restroom I heard the captain our company commander yell find that shit ass bastard and court martial his ass.
All said and done the 1st sergeant had a sense of humor about it asking me to be the lieutenant's driver and covered me with the captain. The lieutenant refused me as his driver and life went on, and when I asked to be excused for the restroom futuristically there were no questions asked.
So, back to my army days. When I was freshly promoted to sergeant E-5. I was at a new Army post given my squad and sent out to train around the company grounds and to get acquainted with my soldiers. When mid-morning the need to use the bathroom hit me, we were right outside of the company headquarters. So, I went into the headquarters building telling the guys to take a smoke break while I used the bathroom. I walked into the headquarters building just tacking my hat off as we are supposed to do indoors when the first sergeant steps out of his office looking at me and says, "Come here, and that's an order." He was testing my metal as they say as a new sergeant, and not being familiar with each other I went to him, and he barked get into my office and I did so. As soon as I did, I informed him that I had to use the restroom pretty badly. And he took that as disrespect and ordered me to the position of parade rest. Then my platoon's lieutenant walked in the door behind me greeting the 1st sergeant and I again asked to be excused to use the restroom 5 seconds before I knew I was going to fart and kill them with it. They both got upset with me at my request, and I tried to explain about the gas issue, and they ordered me to the position of attention and that is basically saying shut the fuck up unless we tell you to speak. Well, my mouth did not say a word, but my ass barked, and the mustard gas filled the room. The first sergeant threw open the window in his office sticking half his body out of the window, and the lieutenant went for the waste can in the room and puked. The 1st sergeant looked back over his shoulder screaming "Get the Fuck Out of my Office"! I do not know if I passed the metal test but I Damn sure passed the gas test. I ran out farting all the way down the hall to the restroom. while in the restroom I heard the captain our company commander yell find that shit ass bastard and court martial his ass.
All said and done the 1st sergeant had a sense of humor about it asking me to be the lieutenant's driver and covered me with the captain. The lieutenant refused me as his driver and life went on, and when I asked to be excused for the restroom futuristically there were no questions asked.
