How can I motivate myself?
A while back I asked a question on how to clean a room. I got a bunch of useful answers. I am good at organizing but I have a hard time with motivating myself to do work except with animals. I keep procrastinating when I try to do things. I can do stuff like dust and vacuum but I can’t get stuff where it belongs. I need to know how to motivate myself but don’t know how to. Any ideas? What helps me is to clean a bit as I notice it. Just a little bit as I pass by. A little each day. Also while I am waiting for something. Delivery of food. On hold to the bank. Commercial breaks on the television. I learned something recently: When people ask for help getting motivated, they tend to already feel motivation. They recognize the need to clean. They don’t like the chaos, or how hard life gets when there’s no clean clothes or plates. They often feel a lot of shame and would love to have a clean house. This means there’s actually no problem with their motivation. Instead, it’s likely they are struggling with executive functioning, especially task-initiation. That’s a known symptom of ADHD, depression, PTSD, autism, and grief. Imagine for a second that you get a call from the police. They tell you that a loved one has been killed.
When you hang up the phone, what will you do next? Do you call a friend? Do you cry or wail? Really imagine it.
You’re probably not doing the dishes. It’s unlikely that you’d cook a healthy meal or even remember to eat at all. In the wake of tragic loss, people struggle to feed themselves, or do other basic tasks like shower. I can’t speak to the entire list up there, but I know how depression feels: it’s like that. There’s a very real sense of something terrible having happened. It’s all you can think about. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you feel a sliver of hope because a friend is there or the sun is shining…but there’s always that sense of shock and doom. And unfortunately, that feeling doesn’t go away. It lasts for weeks, sometimes months or years. It’s like every morning, you get another call from the police and somebody else has died. I really hope you never feel like that, and I have no idea if @KRD even does. I just think it’s important to remember that things like cleaning can be very hard, and it’s okay to need help with that. Sometimes, it really is impossible to just get up and do it. You wouldn’t fault a paraplegic for being unable to stand. But their legs are usually perfectly healthy. The problem is only in the brain. I read this after sending you a message, and it brought such relief. I hate living in messiness and wasn’t raised to. But I’ve dealt with depression and PTSD for most of my life and you reminded me that living in chaos is a symptom. I knew that about depression, but not PTSD. I also have problems with perfectionism, which comes from the ADD. My apartment can look like a tornado went through it, but by god that one closet is perfect! I get ultra-focused on one thing and get so into it, even if it’s just cleaning out dresser drawers, that sometimes when I’m halfway through, or even finished with it, I suddenly realize I have an appt to get to. It’s like I forgot everything going on in my life because I was so focused on one thing for hours. Anyway, you’ve really helped me tonight. You’ve reminded me to be kind to myself because I do have some problems that are no fault of mine, which then cause other problems. I’m looking forward to the site you linked. I’m so glad to have reminded you. Take great care of yourself tonight. You didn’t choose your brain, and you’re trying hard every day. I hope you have a relaxing evening. And tomorrow, when you feel things getting hard…download the audio book that’s linked on the website; “How to Keep House while Drowning”. I think it will be good for you. Hugs!Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone with a problem is comforting. I hope you’re starting to feel better. Sounds like you’re okay at the cleaning part, but you need help with tidying. Do you know why that’s hard? Maybe it feels overwhelming? Or your things don’t have “homes”? “Struggle Care” is a podcast and a website for people struggling with caring for their home. It’s a really kind approach, and very simple.
When you hang up the phone, what will you do next? Do you call a friend? Do you cry or wail? Really imagine it.
You’re probably not doing the dishes. It’s unlikely that you’d cook a healthy meal or even remember to eat at all. In the wake of tragic loss, people struggle to feed themselves, or do other basic tasks like shower. I can’t speak to the entire list up there, but I know how depression feels: it’s like that. There’s a very real sense of something terrible having happened. It’s all you can think about. Sometimes you cry, and sometimes you feel a sliver of hope because a friend is there or the sun is shining…but there’s always that sense of shock and doom. And unfortunately, that feeling doesn’t go away. It lasts for weeks, sometimes months or years. It’s like every morning, you get another call from the police and somebody else has died. I really hope you never feel like that, and I have no idea if @KRD even does. I just think it’s important to remember that things like cleaning can be very hard, and it’s okay to need help with that. Sometimes, it really is impossible to just get up and do it. You wouldn’t fault a paraplegic for being unable to stand. But their legs are usually perfectly healthy. The problem is only in the brain. I read this after sending you a message, and it brought such relief. I hate living in messiness and wasn’t raised to. But I’ve dealt with depression and PTSD for most of my life and you reminded me that living in chaos is a symptom. I knew that about depression, but not PTSD. I also have problems with perfectionism, which comes from the ADD. My apartment can look like a tornado went through it, but by god that one closet is perfect! I get ultra-focused on one thing and get so into it, even if it’s just cleaning out dresser drawers, that sometimes when I’m halfway through, or even finished with it, I suddenly realize I have an appt to get to. It’s like I forgot everything going on in my life because I was so focused on one thing for hours. Anyway, you’ve really helped me tonight. You’ve reminded me to be kind to myself because I do have some problems that are no fault of mine, which then cause other problems. I’m looking forward to the site you linked. I’m so glad to have reminded you. Take great care of yourself tonight. You didn’t choose your brain, and you’re trying hard every day. I hope you have a relaxing evening. And tomorrow, when you feel things getting hard…download the audio book that’s linked on the website; “How to Keep House while Drowning”. I think it will be good for you. Hugs!Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone with a problem is comforting. I hope you’re starting to feel better. Sounds like you’re okay at the cleaning part, but you need help with tidying. Do you know why that’s hard? Maybe it feels overwhelming? Or your things don’t have “homes”? “Struggle Care” is a podcast and a website for people struggling with caring for their home. It’s a really kind approach, and very simple.
