I'd be offended, even though it is accurate.

Yes

Hand over the doughnuts as you're saying it, the sting ain't so bad then.

Yes like calling someone a Dumb-F*ck back at them for doing it.

Maybe there will be some endearment after I've hit you in the face.

To a jackass or sweetheart like Jerry

No way. Unless you can call them lard ass.

I'd use sexiness or baby mama

For Lopez it is

I wouldn’t consider it one.