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So if a person doesn't believe in love (in relationships) anymore is OK.

It just doesn't happen to everyone. Relationships don't always go well.

We live in a world where people idealize love and happiness. In an annoying way, if a person is mourning or feeling heartache they tell them someone new will come and they will heal. Feeling better and healing isn't about that... 🤦‍♀️

I also think that many people fear loneliness and can't accept it. It's ok to feel hopeful, but it's ok to simply live a happy, or ok life without expecting to find "love". Where you can't find a light, you find another, in other areas of your life... In yourself even.

And then... Life isn't white or black... It's gray. And.. Sometimes colorful too 😬😬😬.
Fable · 26-30, F
[c=#666666]I don't think romantic relationships are very important in terms of happiness, but I do think that good relationships over-all are; friends, family, [i]or[/i] a romantic partner.[/c]
Gaiia · F
[@330903,Fable] it's important to have support in one's life mhm
Fable · 26-30, F
[c=#666666][@536386,Gaiia] I have had issues with romantic relationships, and I don't think it's for me. My husband and I will likely stay close friends in the future, and both be happier that way.[/c]
Gaiia · F
[@330903,Fable] it's just not always easy... But I'm glad you have found a way to be happier... Or have more peace 🕊️
SW User
Sometimes I wish I was alone. It's not an option now but I do long for it.

I believe people do over obsess with love and partnerships that they forget to take care of their own mental health
Gaiia · F
[@1201561,Kimchigirl] maybe some day 💖 in the mean time take care of yourself 💕💕
Diamonddog · 26-30, M
I think in the west we're conditioned by media to always be seeking that "perfect" relationship with "the one". Some of it is nature sure, but I've been in a serious relationship where I truly loved somebody and another where we had a real connection and I'm no longer in a place where I'm pining for a relationship.

As somebody who's identified as demisexual or even slightly asexual to a degree, I might be different but I actually think those labels are just for comparing to modern romance culture. It's fine to not be chasing your happiness in another person, I'd actually encouraged not to. I'm just a normal person.

I don't buy the romanticised version of love, love is complex and deep, ever-changing, you can't attain it, only develop it naturally.
[@536386,Gaiia] Yeah might as well get a robot, lolol.
Gaiia · F
[@1141631,FadingStar] exactly haha
Diamonddog · 26-30, M
[@536386,Gaiia] Exactly, where's my magic lady who's going to fulfil all my desires and fix my problems? 🤔. Perfection isn't a quality that even exists. It's so subjective and even by its own definition, it cannot be. But I suppose in a culture where attaining the next best thing is so encouraged, the idea of perfection is "perfect" in that regard lol.
Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F
I couldn’t agree more!

Healing from one heartache has nothing to do with new romance.

I hate the saying to get over someone get under someone else. It’s never applied to me.

The 3 years before I met my husband were very exciting. I made a lot of friends. I saw a lot of places. I tried so much. I was really truly happy without a partner.

Life isn’t designed to be lived in just one way. There’s not only one outcome for a happily ever after. Love is beautiful when it’s right. But happiness has to come from ourselves.

When people build up love to be the fix for all of life’s pain it’s unhealthy. There’s still pain & bad times no matter if you’re with someone or not.

There’s still adventure to be had without a significant other. Purpose in life isn’t centered around marriage or children.

I know you’ll live a colorful life!!


🌈
Gaiia · F
[@455213,Mrsbetweenfatandfit] 🌸 🌸
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
I do think taking a break isn’t a bad idea. Rediscovering yourself and being independent isn’t the worst thing and if somebody comes along and enhances your life you’ll be happy instead of just settling.
Gaiia · F
[@11509,Keepitsimple] and if they don't come, too.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Absolutely! It’s good to have a life outside of a partner. You should never rely on a person to make you happy.[@536386,Gaiia]
You are absolutely correct! Although I understand that people mean well when they tell you that you'll meet someone else, it's something that everyone needs to stop saying to each other. Most people don't understand that our own happiness is never dependent upon another person. It's always a choice we have in our power to make. We can choose to find a way to make our own happiness or, choose to wallow in our grief over our loss.

Loneliness and being alone are two different things.
Gaiia · F
[@517284,HarryRidesTheShortBus] yes they always try to have that hopeful attitude... Kind of unrealistic but I agree their intentions are good.
Wasn't talking about me I'm a messy case 😁 just generally about what people usually say
SW User
Whenever I've seen people talk about not believing in love, they talk of it with a lot of bitterness. They close off not just to romantic love but even general love because everything is supposedly people planning to hurt them.

I don't think any other person can make us feel good about ourselves if we ourselves don't. So the concept of a new person is sabotaged even before it can begin.
Gaiia · F
[@44604,Aidolovemostofyourthoughts] [quote]They close off not just to romantic love but even general love because everything is supposedly people planning to hurt them[/quote]
Not always. I mean, you may not have met them... But there are many people, that love their life their friends, their parents... Their kids... So many mothers that divorce and love their kids... People feel different.
SW User
[@536386,Gaiia] That's why I said 'Whenever I've seen people talk about it'. Usually that is when people talk bitterly about it all the time and its their predominant thought process.
I'm sure many people have all forms of love when romantic love has put them off, but I've never seen one of those talk about it with a lot of energy focusing in it.
Maybe I've not met enough people, there is that.
Magenta · F
Indeed, my smart one.

[quote]We live in a world where people idealize love and happiness. [b]In an annoying way[/b], if a person is mourning or feeling heartache they tell them someone new will come and they will heal.[/quote] So effing true. Throwing cliches' and words at something doesn't change it one bit! Some have love so idealized and romanticized it probably won't work with anyone new either. Waiting for "the one" is such a delusion.
Gaiia · F
[@1173,Magenta] yes my friend.. Those cliches are annoying. 😁😣
Magenta · F
[@536386,Gaiia] Irritating af. Thanks for sharing some realism. 🥰
The truth is if most people didn’t bow down to societal pressure or media conditioning they would not be desperate for a partner and spend more time in cultivating other relationships and their own ambitions but unless you’re in a relationship the societal conditioning automatically assumes you’re either lonely or looking, which is why most are so unfulfilled
Gaiia · F
[@10636,QueenOfQuirk] lots of society pressure...
Turkr · 36-40, M
well.. being lonely is easy, you just don't act that's it, close your room, close your door, close your heart, soo easy. the hard part is to overcome the fear of a relationship, trusting somebody else, being proactive, feeding a love.. maybe all it takes is a leap of faith, trust part comes later.. ops I stole this from man of steel heh
Gaiia · F
[@1179458,Turkr] it isn't about faith. It's about feeling what you feel. Ok if a person wants to try it again after healing, and ok if they don't want to or don't find someone.
😬😅
Turkr · 36-40, M
[@536386,Gaiia] ok I'll try to look from a lady's perspective.. hmm yes makes sense, when you have loots of options, even not feeling to choose anyone adds to the entropy change 🙄😊
Unlearn · 36-40, M
True...most people are addicts and don't realise it.
Gaiia · F
[@6118,Unlearn] I believe I'm very vulnerable...
DunningKruger · 56-60, M
The best we can hope for, day in and day out, is to be reasonably content with our lot in life. Happiness is nice when it happens, but the sort of infinite joy and bliss some people seem to think happiness is is unsustainable.
Gaiia · F
[@10617,DunningKruger] mhm... One day at a time.. Living it... Ofc if love comes to our door we may experience it but if for any reason we just don't believe in it it's ok as well. And there are also people that don't believe in it and in the end life surprises them. 😅
DunningKruger · 56-60, M
[@536386,Gaiia] Love comes when it comes. If by some happy coincidence you happen to find love for someone who has also found love for you, that's just gravy.
Coppercoil · M
Well said.. and with you in my life, it is indeed far more colorful. Thank you my sweet and beautiful friend. ❤️
Coppercoil · M
[@536386,Gaiia] ❤️ it's no accident all these years we've stayed in touch.. tried to be there for one another. It's definitely for a spiritual reason I believe.❤️
Gaiia · F
[@58876,Coppercoil] I'm an old soul. It feels that way haha.
Coppercoil · M
[@536386,Gaiia] you are indeed.. an old soul with a hot young body.. lol
HatterM · 46-50, M
I agree with this. A lot of what people seem to believe and say about love is based on ideals from stories rather than experience. I guess it's a fun ideal to believe in, though I think relating truthfully counts for more, and in my experience I've found that both rare and difficult.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
I totally agree. Thinking that everyone is going to fit into this mold of finding a "soul mate" is unrealistic. It's ok to be single or have relationships here and there if that is what makes you happy. I do find people narrow minded ideas annoying too.
PhpPhoenix · 31-35, M
This is so powerful. Love comes in many forms anyway, so even if someone believes love is essential to happiness, it still doesn't require a relationship and marriage.
Gaiia · F
[@1125975,PhpPhoenix] true, so many different ways... But then there's this belief... Of soul mates... Things like that. I mean it's really nice to see people loving each other and showing it in the long run, but if someone doesn't feel it.. Or don't believe in it.. It's respectable too. We never know people's heart and should never judge them
PhpPhoenix · 31-35, M
[@536386,Gaiia] I agree completely! We're all different, we all have our own wishes and the definition of happiness isn't the same for everyone. People should let each other live their own life and chase their own goals rather than encouraging others to dream of what the speaker/writer considers a successful life.
Fairydust · F
Totally agree with you, I still believe in love, I just won’t settle for anything unless it enhances my life in a better way. I’d rather be alone and happy. 😊
Gaiia · F
[@1042,Fairydust] that's a great way of seeing it 😊
SW User
Loving is easy when you don't think about the cost
Gaiia · F
[@1187347,Pripyatpogo] it goes well for many people for others not so much... And others, seem to have perfect relationships.. But it's just a lie.
SW User
[@536386,Gaiia] I don't think love by itself is a lie .Love is very real . There are all different types of love . Love is also an action ,not a feeling . For me love comes easy ...too easy 🙄
Gaiia · F
[@1187347,Pripyatpogo] yeah it's real, but it takes two people, and things don't always go well, and if people don't want to be involved anymore in that... It's ok just as well as if they want to keep feeling hopeful..
Signals · M
A lot of gray for many
Gaiia · F
[@1148565,Frequencys] yeah it feels dull but there are also good sweet experiences. You for example.
Signals · M
[@536386,Gaiia] 🥺🤗
Gaiia · F
[@1148565,Frequencys] 🤗 🤗 🤗
AllAboutLaffs · 70-79, M
Thoughtful ... insightful .... and well-stated ...
Gaiia · F
[@1250,AllAboutLaffs] I needed to let that out of my chest... Sometimes I feel like a black sheep haha cause have kind of unusual beliefs
AllAboutLaffs · 70-79, M
[@536386,Gaiia] I think you're right on target .... thanks for sharing your thoughts ...
Total with you on this.
Idealization is a synonym for failure. I like being alone.
Reject · 26-30, M
It’s okay depending on the person. Some people couldn’t be happier living alone. Others can’t. Most people need support, but not everyone. We all discover ourselves differently.
Gaiia · F
[@471800,Reject] but what if they are just like that... I mean, they may think that finding someone will make them happy... But happiness depends on many factors... Some even find what they want and still are very unhappy....
Reject · 26-30, M
[@536386,Gaiia] Some people are happy no matter what. Some people are sad no matter what. Our lives are always defined by what we think, but you can’t always control your thoughts.
Gaiia · F
[@471800,Reject] and even controlling them, we feel what we feel.
Sigh sigh 😞
Unquestioned · 61-69, M
Love is bullshit, lust is cool.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Especially in this place. Use and lose. [@867491,Unquestioned]
Perry4444 · 51-55, M
So true. Hope you are well 🙂
passingby8 · 31-35, F
I love this!
Gaiia · F
[@958245,passingby8] seems that way for some of us.
Powermax · 51-55, M
If want to talk seriously pm me
Gaiia · F
[@1108096,Powermax] you can talk seriously here.
Powermax · 51-55, M
[@536386,Gaiia] I don’t think so
Gaiia · F
[@1108096,Powermax] OK, I don't pm. So bye

 
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