Weird Dreams
Two nights ago, I dreamt you were dying of cancer.
Tonight I dreamt that you came to visit, and we went for dinner. With a small gathering of family, I'm not sure who was there.
I remember thinking to myself, "[i]Why am I here? Why have I agreed to go along with this?[/i]". I swore I'd never talk to you again, but still, here I was, being polite, being quiet as usual.
During the dinner, you asked me what God would think of how I treated you, and I told you God doesn't exist. So you threw your typical tantrum and stormed off.
I felt a little paranoid, a little apprehensive. So I wandered through the fair grounds, past the tilt-a-whirl. Through this mall where I'd been before in my dreams. Outside to this cliff that overlooked the crystal sea. I saw you pacing along-side me.
You seemed to pretend to know I wasn't right there, you had that angry look in your face, your pace was so tense, so quick, just radiating an inner-rage. So I took two flat stones, palmed one, put one in my back pocket, and continued walking.
As I made my way toward the water, I saw a shape of you charging at me. But it wasn't you, just someone in your clothing. Before I could tell, I threw the rock, straight at their head. To which they said, "He thought you'd try something like this". As they dodged the stone, and casually walked on. "Someone wants to speak with you, he's over in that tent".
I went to the tent, and saw an angry, tall, gaunt, bald, black man, his eyes were milky white, with no pupils. His skin was dark as night. He was terrifying, he didn't look friendly to say the least. Reactively I threw the last stone at him, and heard his frustrated cries, as I ran off back into the mall.
Then all I could hear, was a song I never heard before, with a fast cymbal-snare beat, a velvety bass-line, and an organ whirring along in time. As I woke from this dream, I felt sad, I worry about you, I know one day I won't get a chance to see you, or talk to you, or tell you I love you again. But I stand by my decision, I'm at peace with how it's played out. It just hurts that it has to be this way, but it's choice that makes us, and not the other way around.
Tonight I dreamt that you came to visit, and we went for dinner. With a small gathering of family, I'm not sure who was there.
I remember thinking to myself, "[i]Why am I here? Why have I agreed to go along with this?[/i]". I swore I'd never talk to you again, but still, here I was, being polite, being quiet as usual.
During the dinner, you asked me what God would think of how I treated you, and I told you God doesn't exist. So you threw your typical tantrum and stormed off.
I felt a little paranoid, a little apprehensive. So I wandered through the fair grounds, past the tilt-a-whirl. Through this mall where I'd been before in my dreams. Outside to this cliff that overlooked the crystal sea. I saw you pacing along-side me.
You seemed to pretend to know I wasn't right there, you had that angry look in your face, your pace was so tense, so quick, just radiating an inner-rage. So I took two flat stones, palmed one, put one in my back pocket, and continued walking.
As I made my way toward the water, I saw a shape of you charging at me. But it wasn't you, just someone in your clothing. Before I could tell, I threw the rock, straight at their head. To which they said, "He thought you'd try something like this". As they dodged the stone, and casually walked on. "Someone wants to speak with you, he's over in that tent".
I went to the tent, and saw an angry, tall, gaunt, bald, black man, his eyes were milky white, with no pupils. His skin was dark as night. He was terrifying, he didn't look friendly to say the least. Reactively I threw the last stone at him, and heard his frustrated cries, as I ran off back into the mall.
Then all I could hear, was a song I never heard before, with a fast cymbal-snare beat, a velvety bass-line, and an organ whirring along in time. As I woke from this dream, I felt sad, I worry about you, I know one day I won't get a chance to see you, or talk to you, or tell you I love you again. But I stand by my decision, I'm at peace with how it's played out. It just hurts that it has to be this way, but it's choice that makes us, and not the other way around.
36-40
