When was last time you surprised yourself?

I keep thinking I’ve run out of feelings, like surely this is it, I’m done now... right? Maybe I could just coast through for while on nothing; get my bearings again. Next year is time enough. Then some extreme emotion bubbles up out of nowhere & nearly knocks me off my feet. Anger... God, the anger. I’m actually afraid of how angry I actually am. I keep forcibly shutting the door on that one again 😬 & the sadness, not really interested in that either. I’m bored with that shit. Then a memory will surface & the joy comes flooding up & I’ll dance around in that for a while.

& I wonder if I am actually completely mental. . . I just keep surprising myself.