This month is my birthday month, maybe. I am not even sure of that. I didn't have honest parents.
Pretty much an understatement of what they were.
Distracted by countless reasons like usual, I always entirely forget it. I was reminded of it today because I found out my loved ones are secrretly planning a small event.
I always kept my distance from this ritual. Not because I worry of aging or feel alone. I don't. It just reminds I am here and my sister and plenty of others I love are not.
I am here, physically.
But who am I, with my many absurd complex views of existence, life..who am I to deny people
their simple happiness? To celebrate? Say Happy birthday? Why would I even do it? No point.
It is better to let them.
I told my partner I would be tender. But I often have to find out how much tenderness can my soul endure in the face of this world’s cruelty. Must I look away from its ugliness to remain tender like most people do? I don’t want to right now.
It is an act of rebellion to confront ugliness /suffering/ cruelty and still choose tenderness. Choose not to be evil. If only many people could meet me at the first part of that promise, it might be easier for me to meet them at the second.
Distracted by countless reasons like usual, I always entirely forget it. I was reminded of it today because I found out my loved ones are secrretly planning a small event.
I always kept my distance from this ritual. Not because I worry of aging or feel alone. I don't. It just reminds I am here and my sister and plenty of others I love are not.
I am here, physically.
But who am I, with my many absurd complex views of existence, life..who am I to deny people
their simple happiness? To celebrate? Say Happy birthday? Why would I even do it? No point.
It is better to let them.
I told my partner I would be tender. But I often have to find out how much tenderness can my soul endure in the face of this world’s cruelty. Must I look away from its ugliness to remain tender like most people do? I don’t want to right now.
It is an act of rebellion to confront ugliness /suffering/ cruelty and still choose tenderness. Choose not to be evil. If only many people could meet me at the first part of that promise, it might be easier for me to meet them at the second.
