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Have you ever had a partner with a secret fetish?

So say you meet someone and start falling for them and then they reveal they have a fetish, and it’s one that isn’t your thing. But you had started to really fall for this person and so you give it a go, out of love maybe or maybe you had a bad childhood, maybe you think you “need” to accommodate a partner. And before long it’s the majority of your sex life with no consideration to you, your likes and preferences or even your mental, physical and emotional health.

I’ve had two such events in my life. The first one was a sock fetish. The second person I was with wanted me to physically and gruesomely hurt them in the worst ways, to the point of no return if you catch my drift. This person had no interest in me or my body, or conventional sex, only how it related to their desires for me to shuffle them off this mortal coil and did not reveal this until many months down the line.

Both times I stayed too long out of a misplaced sense of obligation and because I’d developed feelings that I struggled to reconcile against these new revelations. You’d think that someone in this situation would immediately up and leave but sometimes the introduction of such things is so slow and insidious everything becomes a lot more complicated.

I did develop issues from it, not so much the first one which was when I was a lot younger and bounced back quickly. It was also harmless if really not my cup of tea. The second, I developed negative self image, like why weren’t they interested in me sexually beyond how I could unalive them using said body, as well as the very strong horror and revulsion of those acts, even in theory. They would send me random very heavy gore videos and watch for my response and act like I was being weird for having a strong negative response to it. They probably got off on whatever response they got, good or bad. I did love them, so them constantly pushing and pushing for me to discuss how I was going to make sure they weren’t around anymore really quite badly affected my mental health. They claimed it was all for me, I needed it etc, when actually it was all for them.

Has anyone else had a relationship that went this way? I’m currently in one where I was careful to check we were compatible before committing emotionally and thankfully we are. I think people have unusual fetishes and always will, but it’s a total breach of trust not to come clean with them as soon as is appropriate in a relationship.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
I stayed away from relationships because of my fetishes and I still don't know if I could give a normal person what they want from me and at the same time, I stayed away from fetish people because most seem way more hardcore about it than I am. Tbh, a brain of a person with fetish works differently and it even seems like men with a fetish are especially rigid about it.

It sounds like the problem with your partner wasn't as much his/her fetish as a lack of boundaries and regard for what you wanted. Please know that their disinterest in you had nothing to do with your value as a person.
@CrazyMusicLover thank you and good on you for making the decisions you have. It can’t be easy. I can relate to you in that I too have some very out there desires which I keep to myself because of my partner’s boundaries. I actually wish I didn’t have them so I could be more normal. In no way would I deceive someone into participating in them.
@CrazyMusicLover You fetishes 😲.
😌
RedGrizzly · 26-30, F
Yes. My last relationship and the one before it, all centered around abusive events they had in their life. Not sure, if my partner for four years was actually abused (pathological liar and narcissistic) but definitely had the victim mentality...it would show up during sexy time which wasn't a thing for me.
@RedGrizzly I’m sorry that happened to you, it isn’t fun. I’m actually surprised by some of the responses on this post. If it had happened to them, they wouldn’t be thinking having someone’s fetish forced on them was fun and sexy and a joke 🤷‍♀️ but some people get it.
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@LoveandIntimacy it’s good to hear I’m not alone. And yes I felt the overwhelm too. I guess on some level I thought that I could handle it…but no.
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Carlam · 70-79, F
I deeply resonate with your experience, understanding firsthand how challenging it can be. Yet, with honesty and openness from your partner, it’s possible to navigate through it. My beloved husband Dave also grappled with submissive desires, and it took time for him to share that with me. Initially, it was tough, but through mutual support, counseling, and the grace of God, we forged a deeply fulfilling life together, blessed with four wonderful children. Though Dave passed away seven years ago, I cherish his memory dearly and miss him every day. If you need any help, please don't hesitate to ask.
I’m still looking and hopeful 😀😅
@Delightfulydelectablydelicious but that’s what the post is about!?!! 😝🤣
@Jelly Why you always gotta make sex so complicated 😌

Onasander · 41-45, M
I've always wanted to be jerked by a hand puppet from Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood but haven't really found a way to tell a woman this.


What exactly is a sock fetish? Wearing socks during sex? Sleeping in socks? Socks with sandals? Doesn't really seem that bad of a fetish.
@Onasander I said it wasn’t so bad. But everyone’s tolerances are different. Also when it replaces or is 80% of regular sex it’s no good for me.
Onasander · 41-45, M
@Jelly You couldn't just always wear socks for him during sex? It seems a pretty easy fetish to fulfill.
@Onasander I’m not going into detail about the fetish but it was a bit more than that. Needless to say, it was incompatible with what I was comfortable with and that was that. Nobody should “just” have to do anything sexually that they’re not happy with, no matter what it is
Never

But I have one … using hot wax from lit candles 🕯️

😈

Haha ✨
@ThreeLittleBirds Thanks for laughs, little birds 😂
Aww np 🥰

I trained my birdies to poop on certain kinds of people

You own a hat 🤔



@Delightfulydelectablydelicious
NickyLee · 41-45
What is it like to be told by someone that they have a sock fetish?

I have a slouch sock fetish that I rarely ever tell anyone about, out of fear that Id be laughed at for it. For me its a completely G rated fetish. I just like seeing women wear clean slouch socks.
NickyLee · 41-45
I still havent worked up the courage to ask about or mention my other fetish. Its also G rated, but to me its embarrassing more than anything.

Both fetishes are like curses to me. I didnt choose either one, nor can i ignore them or forget about them
@NickyLee well I mean, if you’re honest and transparent about it to a partner then you’ve done your bit and it’s up to them. Everyone has a different acceptance level.

I wasn’t best pleased as his particular angle to it took over most of our sex life and I also wasn’t into it. I wish I’d been told earlier tbh.
Subsumedpat · 36-40, M
Really depends on how powerful the fetish is, sometimes it can be worked into interesting role play sometimes it can be too persistent and get in the way of things.
@Subsumedpat both took over any other kind of sexual thing we could have done. I think if it can be worked in, then fine, but balance is everything.
Subsumedpat · 36-40, M
@Jelly You are exactly right, you might have to explain that and that if allowed it would take over everything else and that would ruin it for you.
Subsumedpat · 36-40, M
@Jelly I wrote this about fetish might want to read: https://similarworlds.com/society/fascinated-by-human-behavior/4976829-Where-do-we-get-these-fetish-things-I-am-Fascinated-by-Human
Hopefully not
SkeetSkeet · 100+, F
I read this wrong and and thought they were using socks to inflict pain. Lol. Thankfully that has never happened. It would definitely be a deal breaker for me.

 
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