I'm so sorry. Are you seeing a psychiatrist

i hear you... and i care. you are coping the best way you know how to cope. no judgement, and i'm here if you ever need to talk. i really hope it helps to admit your situation. i hope it frees your psyche in some way.

Why don't you seek help yourself? You're old enough and it's not your mother's responsibility. Nobody can do it for you. Unless you don't want to stop.