I Am Confused About My Feelings

i’m in an ldr relationship with someone. we’ve known each other for a really long time, and he’s younger than i am so i’ve always thought of him as a little brother more than anything else. a while back he told me that he’s had feelings for me for a while, which i was completely oblivious to. he told me that it was fine if i didn’t feel the same way. i didn’t at the time and he was fine with that. a couple months later, we were talking and it seemed like overnight he was calling me his and the next morning we were unofficially in a relationship. he never asked me and i didn’t agree. it just happened. i was in a relationship prior to that, and it feels as though i moved on way too fast. it had been a couple months but i wasn’t looking to get into a relationship at all. i do love my current boyfriend so much. we’ve been through so much together. this is the happiest i’ve ever seen him be. i love him but i have so many other things happening in my life right now that i’m not sure i can support him and be his girlfriend when i can barely look after myself. i know how brutal it is when the person you love doesn’t love you equally back. it’s not fair to him i would never entertain anyone else nor would i act single if i did decide to break it to him. i would be his first heartbreak. i love him more than anything but between him and everything else, i have no time for myself. he’s always talking about how he can’t wait to live with me and how happy i make him...i feel like i have no breathing room. if i had to choose, i’d rather feel like this than break his heart. however, i feel like it’s not fair to him. i can’t be the kind of girlfriend he deserves because of everything else. i can’t open up to him because i’m not used to having someone there for me all the time and i’m honestly scared. if i did end things, would he be the same? would he still love me? would he hate me? maybe i’m just overwhelmed with stuff but i don’t know. i feel like a horrible awful disgusting person.

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TexChik · F

Well if you aren’t happy now , time isn’t going to fix that . Yes he’s going to be heart broken, angry , and likely even hate you... until he heals and no longer loves you . That is just the way of things . You love him but you are not in love . Is that ever a good way to start a relationship? That’s how they end. And be sure , [b][i]if[/i][/b] you were in love with him ... you would move heaven and earth to make it work ... instead of wanting to end your relationship. 😉 good luck.

TeresaRudolph71 · 51-55, F

The fact that he was calling you his even though you hadn't agreed to that tells me that something isn't quite right here. He has decided that you are now in a romantic relationship with him without your consent. It sounds like you have mixed feelings about this, because you care a lot about him (as a friend) and you value his friendship, but you also feel smothered. That's what I'm getting out of what I'm reading. Am I right?

I agree with polyandrym66 that it sounds like he wants to be in control, and it sounds like he kind of is, in a way, right now, because you want to make him happy, even if it's at your own expense, and he knows that. But I don't agree that you should focus on your sexual needs, as that's not a good foundation for a relationship (that's just the icing on the cake). You could try taking some more time for yourself, which it sounds like you need, and see if he is satisfied with that. I like that suggestion. If he isn't, if he insists that you give him all your time that you need for yourself, then something really is wrong.

I hope that whatever happens, you and he can still be friends. If he truly cares about you, as much as you care about him, he will understand that you need more time to take care of yourself, and he also won't want to pressure you into something that you don't really want. But I also agree that time won't make you feel something that you don't, and I also know, all too well, that being pressured into trying to feel something won't help you feel it. If anything, over time, it will have the opposite effect. So it's better to let him know, sooner rather than later, that you don't have the same feelings, if you don't.

Best of luck to you.

Pfuzylogic · M

It takes the definition of personal boundaries that you create.
You let him make decisions for you that weren’t his to make.
It is time to make decisions for yourself and let him know what they are.

rckt148 · 61-69, M

you should have backed him off from the start
I would say now is the time for some honesty ,even if it hurts
Nothing is worse than wasting 15 yrs of your life on someone
and find out they have a boyfriend on the side
They have wanted to leave you for a while they were just to scared to face you and do it ,
See I let someone I love get away not wanting to let her down
I asked her to marry me a long time ago ,but she liked it how it was
So in my mind she did not deserve the above everyone else position ,and me forsaking all others ,,if she was not all in
And when I needed her she let me down ,and I had to ask someone else for help and I fell in love with her ,but out of loyalty ,,not wanting to hurt anyone
I let the one that was willing to marry me get away
So when I asked the other one to move out ,it was no big deal
She had someone anyway
It sucks when people just can't be honest
That crap will never happen to me again ,its to painful
If there is going to be from honesty ,and no beating around the bush
It sucks to be blindsided ,
You moved out of the friendship zone when you didn't want to ?
Now it may take a long time to get back to how it was if ever
But its better then dragging it out and end up hating each other over it
I would eventually love you more just for being honest with me
even if we were not together

Sorry if thats a little like rambling ,,I am tired ,but I think you will get what I mean

rjc36 · 56-60, M

This is just my opinion. Be honest with him. Let him know that he is an important part of your life and you don't want to lose that. Then let him know that you still need time to recover from your last boyfriend. If the two of you have already been sexually active this could really compromise your friendship because it may just look as you were leading him on. He could feel that way even if you didn't. But above all be honest with him. I believe in God so I would also pray for the right outcome to be placed in his hands. Just my thoughts.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

Your old friend/new BF sounds like he wants to dominate/own you and move in with you.
You sound like you have never been in a DOM/SUB role as the subordinate partner (yet)..
With "all the other things in your life" taking up your time and attentions.. You think you need a lot of time for him. Not true. He will be very satisfied with what you can give him out of your busy life..
If you are NOT sure of your love for him... are you sure of your sexual needs for him and that he can satisfy YOU??
THAT is the key question...
If so, go for it and have him move in with you and make him happy and see if he makes you happy also..

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