Open Diary | Shadow Work | Entry #5
[i]Dear Diary,
A surge of repressed memories came to me. When I was a child I was badly bullied by a group of girls. Teachers did not like me, they would humiliate me for struggling in school. I would come home to a mother that blamed me for her misery and made me believe I was inherently bad. I would visit a father that would scream, berate, and emotional torture me. One of my family friend's I'd see weekly would have spurts of nastiness towards me and favoritism towards my sibling. My best friend excluded me from get togethers. Even strangers wouldnt be friendly towards me and commented often how I looked like a boy.
I remember during this time feeling completely unlovable. I was weird, ugly, a freak, I did not fit in. I can remember how much pain I felt as a child during this period of my life. I am thankful to remember this. Today I was triggered by a co-worker because she was being disrespectful towards me all day and I had to tell her off. I couldn't let go of my feelings of anger and frustration. Then these memories came to me. It explains my reaction to this situation. My subconscious showed me what needs to nurtured and held. Until next time.
-SM
[/i]
A surge of repressed memories came to me. When I was a child I was badly bullied by a group of girls. Teachers did not like me, they would humiliate me for struggling in school. I would come home to a mother that blamed me for her misery and made me believe I was inherently bad. I would visit a father that would scream, berate, and emotional torture me. One of my family friend's I'd see weekly would have spurts of nastiness towards me and favoritism towards my sibling. My best friend excluded me from get togethers. Even strangers wouldnt be friendly towards me and commented often how I looked like a boy.
I remember during this time feeling completely unlovable. I was weird, ugly, a freak, I did not fit in. I can remember how much pain I felt as a child during this period of my life. I am thankful to remember this. Today I was triggered by a co-worker because she was being disrespectful towards me all day and I had to tell her off. I couldn't let go of my feelings of anger and frustration. Then these memories came to me. It explains my reaction to this situation. My subconscious showed me what needs to nurtured and held. Until next time.
-SM
[/i]
26-30, F
