i'm exhausted

im tired. should sleep, but dont wanna. i have trust issues prob so i have the energy to socialize. im loathing myself in loneliness or smth. why must i be here. seiogjnsö<gnö<soignspådfp9inpemnfglö<sinvpi9< öo. frustrated at everything. i want to cry yet i cant. i've fucked myself in this life. i know i know that i have to be the initiator (or whatever the word was) to change my life, but im too lazy and no motivation to continue. i want to puch, scream, cry and open myself to others, but my trust issues or fear of being an inconvinience block me. im scared to death to get hurt, so i lock myself in my room. i mostly act that like im fine a bit sad but fine, hoping someone would notice my hurting. exept i have one friend, but its wierd bc shes also my ex and she has a new bf so i dont want to be wierd there or smth smth. anywho i should sleep so i can be awake in school. hope i get at least 4 hours of sleep.

bad writing is the cause of tiredness and english is not my fist language :]

apua... hjälp... help... nah, dont bother. help someone who accually needs help.

i hope i win the 50/50 in zhongli banner... heh.