Struggles & Identity

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Should I have helped her?

I was sitting outside having a smoke and this woman comes around the corner wanting to borrow my phone. Calls her ex husband, they get into it, she's crying, he's refusing to help her, she told me he had hit her & left her stranded here at somebody's apartment in the building behind me, she needed a ride about 20 minutes from here but I let on like I didn't drive... I feel really bad but I absolutely do not want to get involved in that, I don'tknow these people... Am I wrong? :(

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HumanEarth · 56-60, F

I'm a get involved kind of person. After living my life and seeing the damage my father done to my mother and us kids.

I step up, even if I'm scared, but I try not to show it.

What if me getting involved just saved another woman from getting an ass beating from man.

Food for thought

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Tumbleweed · F

@HumanEarth right. When she told me he had hit her, threw her hat, left her stranded here two days ago.... Nope, I want no parts of it.

HumanEarth · 56-60, F

Just like this woman that stayed here for the weekend.

Our roommate is trying to clean himself up. Stayoff drugs and the hard liquor. He runs into his old user friend/gf/FWB and he talks us into letting her stay while she before moves back to whatever state.

She used him for a new cellphone, new clothes, new this and that. And once the money was gone. She went back to guy that beat the shit out her in the 1st place.

We known my roommate for 30 years. He has big heart and he gets used a lot because of money and drugs.

I told him your here to get clean and fix your life. You hang around your friends and your old life is going to follow you.

Some people you just can't help anymore

OlderSometimesWiser · F

My instinct is always wanting to help but nope, you’re not wrong. Especially when it comes to letting a stranger in your car. Years ago my stepdad was in a shopping center and encountered a woman in a nurses uniform saying she desperately needed a ride to work. He agreed and within minutes of getting in the car, she robbed him at gunpoint. Sad to say but you just never know what a stranger’s capable of doing.

Tumbleweed · F

@OlderSometimesWiser I'm sorry that happened :(
I let her borrow my phone but that's as far as I could go. I don't know these people...

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@Tumbleweed Always trust your instincts. What was really ironic was that my stepdad grew up in a very rough neighborhood, was extremely street smart. But that one moment of letting his guard down could have cost him his life. It’s a sad reality but true nonetheless.

Miram · 31-35, F

She needs to go to the police and make a report. They usually will offer her a ride to a safe place away from him.

Tumbleweed · F

@Miram She went back around the corner where she came from so at least I know she has shelter.

ABCDEF7 · M

Don't feel the guilt. You did a good job for the circumstances and information you had. Next time you can also ask her if she want to call someone who can pick her up from here.

Tumbleweed · F

@ABCDEF7 thank you :)
If I knew the people, I most likely would have helped her but no...

WillaKissing · 56-60

You are not wrong and on the flip side what if that was all a scam and scheme so they could rob or car jack you too once you gave her a ride to where "He" maybe waiting to rob you or worse.

I would have called the police and then maybe a friend of hers or a family member asking them to come pick and up. If she refused the police and offer says she has no family or friends to call, then you know for sure it is a set up to rob or harm you. How many ex-husbands or ex-wives give their ex's rides? Damn sure not me and my ex-wife. That sounded awful fishy to me.

Absolutely stay out of it.

Tumbleweed · F

@WillaKissing thank you 🫂

antonioioio · 70-79, M

You had done your bit when you gave her your phone and she could have phoned a friend to collect her
When she hadn't done that you were 100% right

nobodyishome · 31-35, F

No, it shouldn't be any of your business. As long as it does not concern you.

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Tumbleweed · F

@nobodyishome I am grateful for your input on this 🫂

nobodyishome · 31-35, F

@Tumbleweed May Allah bless you so much. :)

Tumbleweed · F

@nobodyishome thank you, love

Blondily · F

Smart move
Better to have her call a friend or relative instead.

being · 36-40, F

Maybe, by reading your responses, you have already helped her and you can't know. Also if you'd driven her somewhere, perhaps you'd think you're being helpful because that's what she wanted to... But maybe in reality, you wouldn't help.
What do you think of this?

Tumbleweed · F

@being In the circumstances of her coming to me, it sounds like I may have ended up involved in court cases or possibly getting hurt myself. I was sitting here minding my own business in my calm & peaceful little world & here she came all mad & crying & it just made me feel more thankful for what my life is but at the same time, I have felt her pain myself before.
I'm just glad I didn't get any further involved, honestly.

SStarfish ·

It's nice to help people but for all you know they could be carjackers so.. 😬

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Tumbleweed · F

@SStarfish I was sitting outside minding my own & she came around the corner needing to use a phone, got to crying & needed a ride... I let her use my phone but acted like I don't drive. I didn't want involved in the drama....

SStarfish ·

@Tumbleweed yeah you never know about some people.. sadly 😬

Tumbleweed · F

@SStarfish truth

exexec · 61-69, C

It's a tough call. I tend to help. I was visiting someone in the hospital and when I walked out, a lady asked if she could borrow my phone to call a cab and if they would let her ride if she had no money with her. She said she lived in an adjoining town, only five miles out of the way for me, so I told her to get in my truck and I took her home. On the way, she confessed that she was a patient in the hospital and had not been discharged. She was escaping. Great! I got her to promise to call her doctor which I'm sure she never intended to do.

Stanlee · 61-69New

I think you played a blinded darlin. It sounds like the old telephone scam to me. You could have had a lucky escape.

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

Sounds like a set-up for a carjacking or scam. Unfortunately, they further hurt those who truly need help by making the rest of us wary, but don't feel guilty about being wary. If she already was in a shelter, that is good reason to suspect it is phony. Offer to call the police for her, or pay for an Uber to take her to her destination although Uber probably wouldn't touch it either.

Tumbleweed · F

@dancingtongue thank you

Teslin · M

No !!! You are not wrong. There are so many scams out there. Be safe first and foremost!!

Different · 31-35, M

She can get a lyft or uber for a 20 min ride its not the 90s no more lol

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

I have to tell you, my "Danger Will Robinson" alarm was going off listening to that. I have the feeling you would currently be the one stranded in the middle of nowhere without a car or a phone (if you were lucky).. These days you cant afford to trust anyone you dont know. (nor some you do)😷

Tumbleweed · F

@whowasthatmaskedman thank you :)

HobNoblin · 36-40, M

Don't help these ghetto people, they're beyond help. It's better you don't even know them.

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nobodyishome · 31-35, F

@HobNoblin Well, that's not how you spell 'gentalman' and 'sentances'. It's gentleman and sentences. Being a gentalman, you should learn how to form sentances better.

HobNoblin · 36-40, M

@nobodyishome My hemorrhoids itch right now though.

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Prettybratbi1tch · 26-30, F

I don't blame you what if it was a trap to harm you or the ex knew you helped and wanted to hurt you for doing that? You have to be cautious

Tumbleweed · F

@Prettybratbi1tch true

Shybutwilling2bfriends · 61-69

Dont get involved tell her where she can get help and be done with it. I know from personal experience

darkmere1983 · 46-50, M

don't get involved, you can't trust to many people anymore.

Tumbleweed · F

@darkmere1983 I was hesitant to even lend her my phone but with her crying & carrying on, I definitely didn't want to take her anywhere & get caught up in the drama..

3Dogmatic · 46-50, M

You chose wisely. In the days of uber, that sounded like a scam.

MoonPieSmilez · 26-30, F

I’ve done that too.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

I would of looked up nearest woman's shelter number and had her call.
If she refused ,then I'd be suspicious.
If your desperate for help or safety,you'd call.

Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M

Personally I wouldn’t, I have a huge distrust for strangers. Guess that makes me selfish huh?

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Tumbleweed · F

@Moneyonmymind No, I don't think that's selfish at all...

Moneyonmymind · 31-35, M

@being @Tumbleweed thanks y’all

Tumbleweed · F

@Moneyonmymind You're very welcome :)

candycane · 31-35, F

Sounds like she needs call the police have him arrested

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Tumbleweed · F

@candycane he sounded pretty reasonable but the female was crying when she left here...

being · 36-40, F

@Tumbleweed it sounds a very tricky situation to be in. I guess there's no right answer in this case, sometimes we do help and sometimes we don't. If it feels too much, it's okay to let go. You know when you're available to help, and when you do, I'm sure you're being helpful.

Ferric67 · M

@candycane exactly my thought, this is a police matter

NativePortlander1970

You did the right thing, sometimes getting involved gets You in more legal trouble than it's worth.

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