I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings

[c=#7700B2]Been a while since I wrote a journal entry on here. I've been going through a lot lately I guess. I'm struggling with my anxiety every day...because every day I try to go out and look for a job, which shouldn't be hard since there's a mall right next door. But my anxiety keeps me from stepping foot out that door. I'm scared of going out and doing something. I'm also scared and freaking out over applying for college in the spring, which should have been done already I think but I've never had the will to go through with it and do everything I need to do. I hate this.

I hate my body. I'm not fat at all...I'm also not stick-thin. I'm a little chubby I guess. I'm at a height of 5'2 so I'm very short, but I have a little chub in the boob-area and in the belly. My arms and legs aren't skin and bones but they don't have too much meat or muscle on them either. I just really hate the way I look. So I'll be trying to exercise, but it's so hard. I try to do push-ups but my arms pop every time I come up which really aggravates me. The most I can do is six at a time, and then after that I'm already having my heart beating out of my chest and I feel the need to lay down. This sucks. I should have done more exercise and participation back in middle and high school but I was always so lazy. But with good reason. I would run fast for only ten or twenty seconds and I would nearly faint and have to get brought to the nurse's office. That alone scared me into being almost bedridden for years. I like walking so maybe I can just walk around the apartments for a while. I can also walk or run up and down my stairs, which I heard is a great way to work out. I just wish this wasn't such a challenge for me.
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4:35 PM 9/27/2016[/b][/c]