I Want to Make Friends

The weird thing is I always thought I was the ONLY one who could possibly be going through this and so it only fed into how deficient I felt (feel) about myself. Of course, in real-world situations I don't go around saying how unconnected I feel and I'm sure most people don't either. So, when people here express common feelings, I'm embarrassed to admit I feel like maybe I'm not as much of a freak as I am sure I seem to others (and myself). But, that's kind of sad to feel good about hearing how others are going through that same kind of misery.

On the surface, I'm fully functioning. On the inside though... I live in self-imposed solitary confinement within a psychological prison that I claim to hate, but can't seem to pull myself out of. But, yeah... I am making slow progress and some days I think I can really break-free. I still always return to my solitary cell though like a drone with "return-home" GPS enabled. But, still... there is [i]some[/i] progress.

My suggestion is to start with a small goal... like have an online conversation with one person (like me). From there, set another goal. And then, keep going.

Yeah... I have tried "professional help," but I get frustrated with all the questions and resent all the prying. And, then there is all the feedback that I am not being communicative. I don't know... I'm not putting it down. I just think - [b]for me[/b] - it's mostly a matter of interacting more, being less self-absorbed ([u]perhaps[/u] bordering on narcissistic), and "letting go." And, by letting go, I mean I tend to over-analyze how I come across and what people think of me from all possible angles. I obsess over my flaws and I need to just let go of all that. I most likely will not be liked by everyone no matter what I do. More than likely, some people will think I am ugly, too shy, too boring, worthless, and all the other "crimes" I feel guilty about. The few times when I have "let go," I have had enjoyable conversations with no remorse. I just need to do it more and get past all the frustration and hurt I feel. It's easy to say, harder to remember, and sometimes difficult to consistently do.

I probably sound like I'm being defensive. I appreciate being able to just say these things (although I have said them before)...so thanks!

Yeah man... I can relate... On top of my social anxiety, I am super shy. Although... it's not disabling social anxiety and it's not debilitating shyness. I am pushing myself to acknowledge (rather than deny) those 2 "conditions" I have while avoiding using them as excuses to retreat into my fears. Although my main interest is in real-world interactions (which is difficult for me), I find I am able to gain some starter-confidence by interacting here (although I tend to start feeling pathetic about myself which cycles into feeling desperate for the type of genuine interaction that seems so easy for everyone else and so really, really hard for me. So, far I have been making some advancements, although remedial. I am finding, it's mostly one step at a time and attempting to just let go of all the negative energy that seems to "want" to hold me back...

I get what you mean. I've had the same issue for years now (literally over a decade), that eventually spiraled into being suicidal. I'd recommend seeking some sort of professional help, just to give you that extra support, you know? You certainly aren't a freak, and I think everyone with some sort of mental illness (I'm grouping anxiety in here for ease) ends up believing that they're the only one. I did it too. But you're right about starting small and working from there.

Dude, I've been there. I have rather bad depression, and the only way I managed to get past it at all was with medication. You start getting depressed and self depreciating, and then it just spirals from there until it's like wearing black tinted filters over your view of the world. But it's fantastic that you've managed to make some sort of progress, and it really is just one step at a time

You do come across as somewhat defensive, but that's what happens when you only have words and no tone.

I understand. I tried that sort of stuff too, and I had much the same issues with not really responding to it. Just keep on with what you're doing, and you should be ok. It's hard to change (I've tried), but you should manage it. And it's fine. You can say whatever you want :)

I think you just do what you had the courage to do and then follow through as people you want to interact with "stop by." At least, that's what I am trying. For me, it's not so easy... but... you know... I have issues of the social anxiety type.

Yeah, see, I have similar problems (but it's more like being shy rather than full blown social anxiety). And it's been so long since I had to establish friendships on EP (think 2012/3) that I'm rusty at best

Ha... yeah... well if you think the words are defensive, if you could hear the tone... omg... Just kidding... Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. I was trying to cheer you up, but you did it to me. You've turned into a real friend! :-)

Well that's what we're both aiming for, right? :) And you did cheer me up. You're the first person I've really talked to on here, like in terms of a proper conversation

Thanks for talking to me, btw

LOL Sceadugenga... it's all good...

Mark Paul, it seems that you have learned a lot from the times you were in therapy!! And you are right, take baby steps until you are where you want to be emotionally. There are a of good resources online, and many self help books at the library.

Sceadugenga ~ many from Ep went to answermug, and they actually have a group there for former Ep's, you may be able to find some of your buds there.

Thanks Silverwings, but do we have to give all the credit to the therapy? I mean... I came up with some things on my own...

Thanks. I mean, usually I just prattle on about game ideas, but..... yeah. Forgot where I was going with that

Yeah man... we will have to do it more. You have some great insights.

Yeah, that's true. Mission accomplished.

That is great, keep the brain working!!!