This post may contain Mildly Adult content.
Mildly Adult
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I Miss My Mother

Today is Mother's Day. She died when I was 16 and this summer, I will have spent half of my life without her.

When she first died, it felt like my chest bones were literally breaking open. Time went slowly and it felt like I'd choke to death on the pain.

I have 3 children of my own now. 11, 11 and 12. I don't think of her all the time now but I think of her and the most random and bizarre moments.

My mom had leukemia 2x and I suspect she got it again right before she died. She never wanted to die in a hospital, she'd prefer to die in the streets, which is what she died.

My mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict, first it was cocaine, and then it was crack.

She ran off on a drug run, and her drug dealer took her to another city, he got her high and drove her around and told her to decide where she wanted to die. He shot her 2-3x.

My mom could be verbally abusive sometimes because she was an addict. So some parts of me hated her and other parts loved her. I know she was broken. She was molested by a family friend at 11 and my dad raped her in front of me when I was 5. I know she had soooo many issues and was just trying the best she could.

My dad tried to control her by beating her and such. My mom did messed up things and she was ok with how it would affect me because she thought I'm strong and that I have a good head on my shoulders. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Or affected me personally.

So Mother's Day is a bit bittersweet for me. I'm glad that she's dead because as an addict, she was crossing lines she'd never crossed before, and that there was no going back from. But I miss the fleeting good moments we had. Then looking at my children. Its hard but they're worth it.
Missing our mums is always not easy .
Be strong friend. Hugs !
SW-User
At least you met yours... at all.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
yes vickytech, I'm on fetlife too
Resided · 61-69, M
I lost a brother and my mother to drug abuse. So I know firsthand what it is like to go through that. It was a long 50 year journey that taught me a lot. At least they are not suffering anymore.
Brooksy · 41-45, M
It's not just words. My heart truly goes out to you, dtr. You'll sincerely be in my thoughts and prayers today.
Resided · 61-69, M
You truly show that your heart is in the right place! Sorry for your loss.
vickytech · 36-40, M
happy mothers day , ma'am.. as you are a mother too..
vickytech · 36-40, M
your welcome ma'am... what are you doing now?
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
thank you @Resided - I deeply appreciate it.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
I'm relaxing before bedtime
vickytech · 36-40, M
great... are you there on fetlife too??
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
thank you sweetie.
darktippedrose · 36-40, F
thank you all.
tomtracy438 · 41-45, M

 
Post Comment