Nobody ever tells you how alone depression can make you feel, how it can affect every part of your life to the core, from your relationships to your ability to just get through the day. I have been out in and out of depression for as long as I can remember. The pain is excruciating sometimes. I just get this constant feeling of longing, I long to belong, i long for meaning, for love, for a good life, a normal life, like most have, the people around me who are happy, have a ton of friends to support them in their life endeavours and life experience that i just don't have myself, because depression is so demotivating and trapping. These people who just so fulfilled by their lives but I just don't have that and it makes me completely frustrated with myself. I just cry every single night. it bothers me to see those the same age as me to be 10 steps ahead of me in life, i feel i am missing out on something. I tell myself it's gonna get better, I'm going to do these steps... to overcome this, everyday is a new fight but every night is the same feeling. i really don't feel i can be myself, i am so consumed by depression it is taking over who i am and who i want to become and not one person around me acknowledged this and i feel that i have to pretend i am happy because i am scared of judgement, i try to overcome it but i am failing and i feel terribly alone. i just wish someone could reach out their hand and tell me it's gonna be okay sometimes.
i just keep hoping for change, because i am lost and don't know what to do with myself, i keep trying to make things better but i just keep falling back into the same patterns.
I wrote this just to get out my feelings instead of bottling it up inside
[sep]Could not have put that any better I suffer depression and psychosis and know the pain and misery of constantly feeling like there is no hope no light at the end of the tunnel way to put it into words
