I Battle Depression

I have struggled with depression since around 2005. Before I experienced depression first hand, I wasn't sure it truly existed. That it not to say I didn't believe it; just that it seemed to be a relatively easy way for people to withdraw from general life and escape for a while. Now I know better I feel very guilty for even considering the possibility that depression might not be real.

For me, depression started as a gradual inability to find enjoyment in anything, and then withdrawal, as far as possible, from the world around me. I got to the point where I couldn't cope with busy environments and then didn't want to be around people at all. Leaving the house became a real chore so I hibernated completely for a while. Sleeping patterns became erratic and I had a tendency to want to fall asleep during the day and to feel more awake at night. My doctor prescribed anti-depressants, which helped a little, and I also tried counselling which really didn't help at all.

After trying various medications I found one which seemed to work quite well, at least in terms of relaxing me and making my day-to-day experience easier. I never did get back to where I was before depression struck. Some days are worse than others and I still have minimal contact with people and prefer to be indoors. Depression is a debilitating illness that I have learned to live with, but I suspect will be an ongoing part of my life.

Primnproper · 56-60, F

I think you're right about some people that have no experience of it not understanding it at all and how frustrating it is for you..I have a family member that has suffered for years and neither my mother or my nan could really get their heads around it they used to just view her as "difficult"..

stannollie · 51-55, M

@Primnproper yes ive had mental illness all my life & even now i struggle to understand my illness esp how to tell people exactly whats wrong

stannollie · 51-55, M

i so know what you mean, im the same, i prefer to be on my own & stay away from people. if it wasnt for the dog id never go out except on shopping day
to relax i love listening to nature sounds eg waves, rain, bird song etc or lie outside on the lounger in the sun.
the biggest help ive had is from primnproper shes been amazing how shes helped me through so much.
sometimes the best therapy is just having an amazing friend/partner whos always there for you. you may think their advice is rubbish but when you think of it they can see & understand things about yourself that you dont see yourself & so they can offer/give excellent advice to help you. prims pointed out many things about me that i didnt realise myself & when i sat & thought about it, i realised yes shes right, why didnt i see that myself?
thanks to her advice ive managed get my life sorted a lot & im the happiest ive been for years. i still have bad depression & stress & anxiety etc but knowing theres someone genuine there for me helps so much. but i know 99% of getting well is up to me.
i hate going out & have a slight phobia about it but instead of trying convince myself of excuses why i shouldnt go out i try concentrate on why i should go out, the sun, fresh air, exercise, going the market etc looking for bargains etc or going the library to find good books to increase my knowledge etc
i have days when i feel so down i feel suicidal, but i talk to my friends & it seems like a huge burdens been lifted off me & its great that soemones listening & understands what im going through