I Am Not Who They Think I Am

everyone thinks im happy being alone, cos i'm a loner right,but truth be told, im not really as happy as i thought i'd be,i mean yes i get lots of time to myself which i like, but for some reason, im not really happy about it!! growing up as a kid,the thought of living on my own and doing my own thing,coming and going as i please, was like a dream, even now, when people ask me how im doing, i tell them "im living the dream", but in reality, the dream has turned a little sour!! i try to socialise, but i only end up becoming a social loner if you know what i mean!! i just sit there on my own, the problem being, when i make an attempt to talk to people, not just women, it only goes so far before i get into one of these "leave me alone" kind of moods. i mean i don't actually tell people to leave me alone, but, as people are chatting to me and asking questions and so on, i tend to just become all awkward until they lose interest in me and go away!! its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place cos in a way i would love to have a woman in my life, but for some reason, the thought of being alone seems too much of a draw for me, but then when im alone on my own, im not too sure if i really like it as much as i hoped i would!!