I Have Something to Say
Just saw the movie
"Middle school - the worst days of my life"
With my kids.
Omg the tears are real.
It's a great family movie.
My oldest cried and I cried.
He's at that age where everything is changing and things are just difficult.
But he said something to me that really hit me hard.
I knew he was crying because he identified with the main character, losing a sibling is not easy, and my son has lost 4 (plus the three that were too early for him to get to see on ultrasound or feel them kick) so 7 total.
I comforted him, pulled him in closer under my arm and said to him "I know baby, it hurts, I don't know if it will ever stop hurting but on some days it might hurt a little less" he knew I was referring to the loss of our twins in Dec.
Then he looked at me and said "I know you're trying to understand - thank you - but you can't really understand exactly what it's like, you've lost a dad, and your grandparents and your babies, but I lost my brothers and my sister. I know you probably hurt more because they were your kids but my hurt isn't exactly the same as yours because they were my brothers and my sister"
And he's right - I don't know exactly what it's like for him.
I still have my only brother. I've lost my dad, I've lost all my grandparents, and I lost several babies that I love with all my heart. Even though our pain isn't 100% the same, it is a pain we both share for people we love.
I think it's an important reminder that I needed, even though all of us in our home and those close to our family all mourn the loss of Sebastian and Natalia (and Daniel and Santiago) each one of us mourns different losses.
I mourn the loss of my children as does my husband.
My sons mourn the loss of their siblings.
My mother mourns the loss of her grand-babies.
We mourn the life we had planned and honestly we all had different plans and parts of the future envisioned with the ones we love and lost.
I envisioned all of the firsts, all of the giggles, the sweet kisses, tender hugs, te I love yous, the messy morning hair, the jumping on the bed while I'm trying to make it, and yes even running to the pharmacy in the middle of the night to pick up diapers or wipes.
My husband envisioned our boys first football games, our daughters first daddy daughter dance, and even ballet classes and recitals.
My children envisioned giggles and laughter, playing catch and hide and seek, protecting their little brothers and sister from bullies, reading books with them, playing with trains and hot wheels and being ken while my daughter played with barbies.
My mom envisioned a lot of shopping and spending quality time with her grand babies....
We may mourn the same people but lost different things we had envisioned for them...
I'm glad my son is talking to me more more than before. Family grief counseling is doing its part. He doesn't say much at counseling but he does open up more with me at home.
"Middle school - the worst days of my life"
With my kids.
Omg the tears are real.
It's a great family movie.
My oldest cried and I cried.
He's at that age where everything is changing and things are just difficult.
But he said something to me that really hit me hard.
I knew he was crying because he identified with the main character, losing a sibling is not easy, and my son has lost 4 (plus the three that were too early for him to get to see on ultrasound or feel them kick) so 7 total.
I comforted him, pulled him in closer under my arm and said to him "I know baby, it hurts, I don't know if it will ever stop hurting but on some days it might hurt a little less" he knew I was referring to the loss of our twins in Dec.
Then he looked at me and said "I know you're trying to understand - thank you - but you can't really understand exactly what it's like, you've lost a dad, and your grandparents and your babies, but I lost my brothers and my sister. I know you probably hurt more because they were your kids but my hurt isn't exactly the same as yours because they were my brothers and my sister"
And he's right - I don't know exactly what it's like for him.
I still have my only brother. I've lost my dad, I've lost all my grandparents, and I lost several babies that I love with all my heart. Even though our pain isn't 100% the same, it is a pain we both share for people we love.
I think it's an important reminder that I needed, even though all of us in our home and those close to our family all mourn the loss of Sebastian and Natalia (and Daniel and Santiago) each one of us mourns different losses.
I mourn the loss of my children as does my husband.
My sons mourn the loss of their siblings.
My mother mourns the loss of her grand-babies.
We mourn the life we had planned and honestly we all had different plans and parts of the future envisioned with the ones we love and lost.
I envisioned all of the firsts, all of the giggles, the sweet kisses, tender hugs, te I love yous, the messy morning hair, the jumping on the bed while I'm trying to make it, and yes even running to the pharmacy in the middle of the night to pick up diapers or wipes.
My husband envisioned our boys first football games, our daughters first daddy daughter dance, and even ballet classes and recitals.
My children envisioned giggles and laughter, playing catch and hide and seek, protecting their little brothers and sister from bullies, reading books with them, playing with trains and hot wheels and being ken while my daughter played with barbies.
My mom envisioned a lot of shopping and spending quality time with her grand babies....
We may mourn the same people but lost different things we had envisioned for them...
I'm glad my son is talking to me more more than before. Family grief counseling is doing its part. He doesn't say much at counseling but he does open up more with me at home.
36-40, F