I This Is For You
Updated AGAIN
These people in my neighborhood refuse to help me and keep calling me nasty names through their windows, especially my Mexican neighbors. They continually call me a child predator, when I never hurt any child. They know that my Foster Mother's boyfriend's family comes into sexually abuse me and drug me, but these people live by their own conclusions about me and they refuse to help me. I think hurting children is sick and inexcusable. I do suffer a very rare condition called Echolalia. Echolalia is a condition where I repeat things others have said in the past, impulsively, without thinking and unknowingly. I once used to stand by the door at midnight and talk to myself because I didn't have any friends to talk to and no family to relate to. I once said something out of place, without thinking of anything of the sort. I don't know how I said it, and I became afraid of what I'd said because I'd never thought of it and people don't know that and won't think that I don't have any thoughts behind what I'd said...
My Foster Mother's very first boyfriend molested me as a child as well, when my Grandmother left the premises for long periods of time. I was put into a small, gated special education school, upon being drugged and misdiagnosed with mental illness, as cause of my Foster Mother, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's family drugging and sexually abusing me. I never had any friends and I was taken out of my real high school, all but to be placed in special ed because of my Foster Mother's vindictiveness and hatred towards me over the Caste System. This is why I used to talk to myself by the door, yes, at 12 midnight.
Some of These People in my neighborhood refuse to help me and they care not to know of my circumstances, most know and they don't care and they label me. I was just standing by the door and one of my neighbors said "look at her with her hand and her side, that child molester". I became so mad, I asked why they'd kept calling me that name, it hurts so much. I'm so afraid...I feel as if everyone is against me, I'll become a giggalo and a Prostitute, not only to satisfy them and give in, but to get out of my current situation from which they refuse to help me. I think the Mexican guys who said made the statement from down the Block, that I was "so ugly, I couldn't get a man", want me to be a Prostitute for them since they think I'm a child molester. I'm so fed up...I'm tired of people being against me. No one ever understands me, they just keep thinking negatively of me and giving me labels...I promise you people, I'll lose enough weight so I could suck the shit out of you and then you could shut the hell up and leave me alone. I'll give it to you good, and since you consider me an "unregistered Child Molester", you could disfigure me whilst I'm giving into you...maybe then you'll leave me alone and shut the hell up...
I'm also trying to lose weight.
I'm just so tired of people not believing me...I feel so defeated. I have nobody, nothing, and I promised to commit suicide three or four months after my 40th birthday, cool for the summer, as I'd promised to throw myself before an oncoming New York City Subway Train. I planned to wear my favorite blue dress, and get my hair done for the occasion. I want to wear my blue dress, I want to be all dolled up, have my hair done, I want to wear my pearl earrings, the heart my Daddy gave to me, and I want to wear my sandals. I know I can't be anything, I know I'm stuck, I know no one wants me, and I want to look good for the last day of my life...
These people in my neighborhood refuse to help me and keep calling me nasty names through their windows, especially my Mexican neighbors. They continually call me a child predator, when I never hurt any child. They know that my Foster Mother's boyfriend's family comes into sexually abuse me and drug me, but these people live by their own conclusions about me and they refuse to help me. I think hurting children is sick and inexcusable. I do suffer a very rare condition called Echolalia. Echolalia is a condition where I repeat things others have said in the past, impulsively, without thinking and unknowingly. I once used to stand by the door at midnight and talk to myself because I didn't have any friends to talk to and no family to relate to. I once said something out of place, without thinking of anything of the sort. I don't know how I said it, and I became afraid of what I'd said because I'd never thought of it and people don't know that and won't think that I don't have any thoughts behind what I'd said...
My Foster Mother's very first boyfriend molested me as a child as well, when my Grandmother left the premises for long periods of time. I was put into a small, gated special education school, upon being drugged and misdiagnosed with mental illness, as cause of my Foster Mother, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's family drugging and sexually abusing me. I never had any friends and I was taken out of my real high school, all but to be placed in special ed because of my Foster Mother's vindictiveness and hatred towards me over the Caste System. This is why I used to talk to myself by the door, yes, at 12 midnight.
Some of These People in my neighborhood refuse to help me and they care not to know of my circumstances, most know and they don't care and they label me. I was just standing by the door and one of my neighbors said "look at her with her hand and her side, that child molester". I became so mad, I asked why they'd kept calling me that name, it hurts so much. I'm so afraid...I feel as if everyone is against me, I'll become a giggalo and a Prostitute, not only to satisfy them and give in, but to get out of my current situation from which they refuse to help me. I think the Mexican guys who said made the statement from down the Block, that I was "so ugly, I couldn't get a man", want me to be a Prostitute for them since they think I'm a child molester. I'm so fed up...I'm tired of people being against me. No one ever understands me, they just keep thinking negatively of me and giving me labels...I promise you people, I'll lose enough weight so I could suck the shit out of you and then you could shut the hell up and leave me alone. I'll give it to you good, and since you consider me an "unregistered Child Molester", you could disfigure me whilst I'm giving into you...maybe then you'll leave me alone and shut the hell up...
I'm also trying to lose weight.
I'm just so tired of people not believing me...I feel so defeated. I have nobody, nothing, and I promised to commit suicide three or four months after my 40th birthday, cool for the summer, as I'd promised to throw myself before an oncoming New York City Subway Train. I planned to wear my favorite blue dress, and get my hair done for the occasion. I want to wear my blue dress, I want to be all dolled up, have my hair done, I want to wear my pearl earrings, the heart my Daddy gave to me, and I want to wear my sandals. I know I can't be anything, I know I'm stuck, I know no one wants me, and I want to look good for the last day of my life...
SW-User