i should give up.......

ummm. Depends what you give up?
Have a look at the definition of insanity
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins133991.html

Then decide to so something a bit differently than you are at the moment. And keep deciding to do things differently until something works for you. If you aren't sure what to change, seek assistance.

I hope you feel better soon.

kyle1991 no certainly not things can only get better give it time