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Getting things off my chest

I feel like I'm just a burden on everyone's shoulders. My mom yells at me over almost everything, my dad randomly accuses me of disrespect, and my brother has made it clear to me numerous times that he hates me. I have had frequent episodes of depression that have been getting much worse as time went on, and neither of my parents believed me when I voiced my concerns regarding my mental health. I get anxiety attacks when there's arguments that result in screaming and yelling, as well as my brother's angry outbursts towards video games. Everyone says I'm over reacting.
My mom would yell at me for little things. Even if it was something I was asked to do. There was an incident where my stepdad told me to make sure my brother went to bed at a decent time. The next day, my mom came home after work, and the very first thing she did was scream at me for "mothering" my brother.
My dad has a habit of accusing me of being disrespectful towards him. I don't even know what I did to set him off each time it happens. I could have said a completely normal sentence, and my voice could go up half an octave, and he would go off on me. He would then proceed to mimic my facial expressions as I try to figure out what I did to cause his outburst.
My brother is just a jerk in general. He blames me for everything. He even said it was my fault he broke his 3ds. He even goes out of his way to make me feel like a terrible sister. All I've wanted to do was be there for him, but I can't do that when he just pushes me away. And yet he'll accuse me of never being there for him.
I honestly don't even think my boyfriend wants to deal with me anymore. I constantly need to be reassured that he loves me and wants to be with me and the reasons why he's willing to put up with my issues. He's not even there when I get hit with a really bad episode of depression. He's just gone. He ignores me completely. He won't even try to help anymore, even though he promised me he would. He leaves me to my thoughts and lets me get worse when I need him the most. I don't even know if he even cares anymore.
I'm at a point where I don't want to feel anything anymore. I've been hurt so many times. Each time I've let someone into my life, I ended up getting hurt in the end one way or another. I can't even make friends in real life anymore.
Eurydicekallos · 26-30, F
I understand. Not sure if that helps but I have been through a lot of similar stuff. Though going through it and still having to deal with it whenever I go home I have learned it is incredibly hard to get through it alone. If you want someone to vent/be supported by message me and I'll respond as soon as I can. I thankfully have found a few people for support myself and it seriously helped me this summer. I still got depressed and had anxiety and hated myself at times but I didn't hurt myself like I normally would have :)
G302634 · 26-30, F
Everyone can tell you what you need to do but in reality I feel you just need to be listened to. What each of us do and how we handle things is different. If I try to tell you what to do, all I'm doing is telling you what I would do. That might not be best for You. I am willing to listen. That I will offer. I am will to make suggestions IF you ask for them. PM me if you wish to speak. Otherwise I will leave you alone.
Stardust519 · 26-30, F
Thanks.
adshaw · 36-40, M
You are in what is called a 'toxic' environment. It's like trying to be healthy while sleeping in the Chernobyl contamination zone.
SW-User
i know what its like to have depression. you need to get away from all the drama.
rickoo164 · 56-60, M
Hello you, if you wanna chat with an older french man, it's really up to you...!
TheRascallyOne · 31-35, M

 
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