what are some tips for your first date

Arrive on time, look your best, don't talk about your ex, compliment your date in some way, talk like you've got some common sense, but show a lighter more funny side to your personality. Don't get drunk.

Touch her lightly--lightly--on the arm or shoulder multiple times, if you can do it confidently and without making it awkward; maintain eye contact and drift down to her lips; talk confidently; don't get an ordinary table where you're on one side and she's on a different side--find a place where there is no distance or literal barriers between you; don't act fake or just say shit because you think that's what she wants to hear--own who you are.

Ask her a lot of questions: your goal being to find out who she is--her dreams, her fears, insecurities, quirks, gifts. The attempt is to create a connection, to sort of vibrate on the same frequency.

And finally, and most importantly, she's one woman. There are many, many, many others. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal, as the saying goes.

Pretend to be sick and stay home with pizza and Netflix instead

keep the bag with the duct tape out of sight

Lots of candy in the back of the van!

Have your speed dial ready. If the date isn't going well have this person call you back so you can feign and emergency.

Don't do anything that trump says.

Order chicken wings

Be sober 😉

do her

I must like that person already so he should just be himself. Be nice.

don't shower

Bring $ in case you need to call a taxi to get home.

don't press charges(?) 🤔