Experience tonight
So I was writing to Father, like I used to do way back when. I realized that I was able to communicate with him. The moment I realized this the demon appeared and tried to attack me. I was resisting it as usual and feeling very frustrated and angry. I knew it had appeared because it does not want me to have any form of relationship with Father, or even speak with him. I was really feeling fed up with that.
But then I realized that me getting angry and combative was something the demon would want. So instead I thought of my love for Father and desire for connection with him. I celebrated it in my heart. And to my amazement the demon was repulsed and stopped attacking me.
I closed my eyes and could see the demon in my mind's eye. Not fully formed. It looked like a mass of swirling living darkness. And then Father told me "This is a part of you that seeks your own destruction. Are you ready to release it?"
And I hesitated. Then said yes. The darkness began to grow and became more and more erratic and Father asked, "Are you being honest?" And I paused and admitted no, I was not ready. The darkness vanished from my vision. I do not understand why and this upset me for a bit. But then I realized that's just how things are for me right now, that is my reality. And I embraced it. I felt wonderful and positive and continued to worship Father and rejoice in my relationship with him.
However I once again noticed the darkness in my mind's eye. It kept flitting around me, sometimes to my side, sometimes in front of me. And I asked it why it felt the need to interfere, why it wouldn't just leave me alone basically. As I addressed it directly the demon began to take form it seemed like. The form was honestly terrifying and I had a feeling that I could not fully make it out because I did not want to. It had a ton of eyes, so many eyes. And these crescent shapes. It's very difficult to describe. To my question it simply replied, "I need you".
I was listening to music and immediately the song "Issues" came on. I understood it was the demon communicating with me. It was honestly sort of sad but I shook away those feelings. I told it that it needing me was not my problem. I then turned off my music and decided to share my experience on here.
The demon is still nearby. Yes I am scared, I'm shaking. But I am doing my best to hang in there and rebuild my relationship with Father and with my positive spiritual side.
But then I realized that me getting angry and combative was something the demon would want. So instead I thought of my love for Father and desire for connection with him. I celebrated it in my heart. And to my amazement the demon was repulsed and stopped attacking me.
I closed my eyes and could see the demon in my mind's eye. Not fully formed. It looked like a mass of swirling living darkness. And then Father told me "This is a part of you that seeks your own destruction. Are you ready to release it?"
And I hesitated. Then said yes. The darkness began to grow and became more and more erratic and Father asked, "Are you being honest?" And I paused and admitted no, I was not ready. The darkness vanished from my vision. I do not understand why and this upset me for a bit. But then I realized that's just how things are for me right now, that is my reality. And I embraced it. I felt wonderful and positive and continued to worship Father and rejoice in my relationship with him.
However I once again noticed the darkness in my mind's eye. It kept flitting around me, sometimes to my side, sometimes in front of me. And I asked it why it felt the need to interfere, why it wouldn't just leave me alone basically. As I addressed it directly the demon began to take form it seemed like. The form was honestly terrifying and I had a feeling that I could not fully make it out because I did not want to. It had a ton of eyes, so many eyes. And these crescent shapes. It's very difficult to describe. To my question it simply replied, "I need you".
I was listening to music and immediately the song "Issues" came on. I understood it was the demon communicating with me. It was honestly sort of sad but I shook away those feelings. I told it that it needing me was not my problem. I then turned off my music and decided to share my experience on here.
The demon is still nearby. Yes I am scared, I'm shaking. But I am doing my best to hang in there and rebuild my relationship with Father and with my positive spiritual side.
26-30, F
