Im loosing it

i felt the same, so i decddied ot do something about it and set myself goals each day, ie: order food, clean house ( hoover, tidy books/dvd's, etc.. giving myself 10 things to do each day, im back at work now ,buton weekends i stilldo the same thing,

Imagine you are not you, but somebody who loves you. And if that does nothin', ask yourself "what would you do if you failed?" Especially, when I have failed multiple times! I found myself w/no bottom to fall to, but just living a Groundhog Day. Then witnessing my beloved go crazy because I am... That memory is what keeps me on my meds! And if you are just curious... I believe there are thrill seekers out there that do without the adverse effect to those who love you. Because you love them.

I'm contemplating suicide and/or trying to trigger someone else into killing me.

I'm not sure I am depressed, I'm on meds for that, but I am bored, really bored, and curious about the there after.

It is a weird time we are living in and its not good - so much scare mongering isn't helping