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I'm Afraid That I'll Be Single Forever

OK, "afraid" is probably the wrong word choice. I'm not afraid I'll be single for the rest of my life, I'm quite certain of it. As much as I'd love to find that perfect woman to spend the rest of my life with, I'm also terrified to look. Stick your hand in the fire too many times and you learn to fear the flames. Well, I've been burnt for the last time.

Probably ;-)
SmartKat
What are you looking for from the relationship?

Passion, desire, romance? If that's it, maybe don't get married or move in together. However, there *are* women who would agree to a long-term girlfriend situation. (I know - I'm one of them.)

If you want the kids and the minivan and the house in the suburbs, don't go for a party girl or a hottie. They might take you up on it, because most women are taught to believe they're supposed to want to settle down and be domestic. But some women wouldn't be happy with that lifestyle, and they won't know it until they've married some poor guy. Then they get crazy - and the guy doesn't get the soccer-mom type that he really wanted.

If you decide to go with the soccer-mom type of woman, and the family lifestyle - be *very* sure that's what you really want. Guys, like girls, are taught to believe they have to end up living that way. Ask yourself honestly - will you be happy a few years down the road, when you're working full-time AND doing lots of household chores AND in debt AND the kids won't be quiet for five seconds AND you haven't had sex in six months? Because that's what life is like for a lot of people. I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong for everybody - but do think about it.


Like the decrepit old knight said in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: "Choose wisely."
PrettyOldSoul
well shit, i can do that. come get me.
PrettyOldSoul
i like the way your mind misfires, much like my own,
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
@ Pretty - I would, but you went and moved 2000 miles away! :-p
Adaydreambeliever
Hi i looked up your stories cos i liked your username.. and felt i had to respond.. and say.. this is how it is.. .

I was on dating sites a long while.. and all there were in my sort of age range were men who would not consider a relationship (never mind living together an all that) at any cost.. Many had been divorced, cheated on.. lost everything financially etc and just dont want ever to even risk it again..

The trouble is where does that leave them? well with casual encounters.. yay great say men.. but but there are never enough willing.. and it's all pretty meaningless lol even men get tired of that eventually.. just takes a long time given the lack ... They convince themselves this is enough.. perhaps it is...I cant say but it's less than ideal even though few would admit it..

And where does this leave women on dating sites.. again they dont get what they want cos they want relationship love.. meaning.. but the men just want adventure.. so women accept being single and lol no mostly dont go the route of casual.. well they do but soon lose interest.. meaningless soon becomes unsatisfying ...

So all in all there's a whole generation of singletons.. all not getting what they want.. the guys not getting physical anywhere near enough.. and settling for the very occassional.. and women not bothering at all cos all the men just want s*x...

It's a fascinating phenomenon.. but rest assured you arent alone.. how it pans out i dont know.. well i sorta do from chatting to a lot of men in their 58-70 age range
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
Well, I won't deny that sex would be nice, but I really want the whole package. Someone I can make as happy as they make me, someone to share life's adventures with as well as the long dull stretches in between adventures. Someone who loves me not in spite of my flaws, but because of them. Someone who doesn't push me to be a better man, but inspires me to be one.
SolitaireDiamond
Really Fordy ... but you're such a cool guy. I hope that one day you will meet a woman who earns your trust and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Sending you hugs darls. Just so you know, anyone who is fortunate enough to be with you would be considered to be a very lucky lady in my opinion
PrettyOldSoul
I'd be withya ford. an i already love you. so thats an awkward moment you need not worry about..
PrettyOldSoul
not hearting this because i love it. it breaks my heart. My monet of nine years was murdered by my husband because i loved that cat. he understood me better.
PrettyOldSoul
I wouldnt wish that ache upon and living soul..I hope and prey your baby finds the right path home.
ponycupcake
Maybe because you keep getting attracted to the fire? Maybe be attracted to something less harmless?
What I mean: try to change the type of women you are attracted to.
I used to like guys who always ended up hurting me and use me so I changed what type I was attracted to , technically I really lowered my standards according to some people.
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
That's good advice, but in my case I'd have to change more than that. I'm kind of an emotional cripple with low self esteem so I don't think I deserve love and don't really know how to return it. As such I tend to go for the damaged type since that's the only type of woman that ever shows me any attention. *shrug* It's a vicious circle really.
SolitaireDiamond
I think everyone has suffered some damage in their life. You would have to be damned tough to travel through life and not ever feel hurt or lonely or needy.
.
Anyway, some of us damaged chicks are really okay, and we can help our partners rebuild self esteem as we rebuild our own. The trap is being with someone who's baggage you can't tolerate ;o)
ponycupcake
Hmmm makes more sense now, I think you should go on journey for self love and then try to find someone you love platonically and become a better person for them. Idk
LadyHeartnMind
Hmmm...there´s no such "variety" of women ... it seems you´re looking for (or waiting for) one who would suit your needs, expectations, wishes, whatever... but... aren´t you forgetting she may also have her ideals?..meaning being two, talks about sharing, sacrifice, generosity, etc....to say the least..."perfect" are the bonds, not the people.
Jennerrous
"Quite certain" and then you end with "probably". I actually get it. Lol.

You've been with maybe the wrong people? Good people are so hard to find. That I'll agree with.
Jennerrous
I'm with you on looking. Never look because that's when it doesn't happen.
PrettyOldSoul
I agree to disagree .respectfully of course. Good people are abundant. God didn't make any half assed,... eh , it's ok stuff.. Problem is, all the good ones are on the other side of our walls. all we have to do is remind them who they are. sometimes,,, my opinion alone of course..
Jennerrous
Lol. Ok I don't disagree mainly because I didn't understand. I hope everything has been better.
LadyGypsy
Speaking as a merry spinster with nearly the same view, I can assure you that it is not that bad!!!
SolitaireDiamond
I'm not single now Fordy, but I do truly understand the fear and anxiety that you often have to battle, to let yourself go and learn to trust. Unfortunately my trust has been broken a few times in this relationship, and I am struggling to rebuild it and stop thinking about things done in the past that have made me feel hurt and worthless ... I feel like I'm not good enough.
PrettyOldSoul
That sucks ass. :( I hope he came home.
Agentseven
I agree. The overratedness of being not single is definitely underrated.
Alex28alex
I fear marriage honestly. I see it a turn off for the relationship and for your life too.
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
Probably why my marriage only lasted 2 years, and last month was the 15th anniversary of the divorce, lol.
Alex28alex
Man you're still counting 😄
You're just awesome, and being unmarried doesn't necessary means being single. Let your feelings commit not papers / marriage agreement. Deal with love with craziness, and as an old man advised me once "live the moment". What hurts is us getting attached to the past and wanting what we do not have anymore. So what hurts is: "not living the moment" but instead insisting on "living the past at the moment".
Go ahead face the flames with ice or search for what you love and let it kill you, i guess it's the best way to die, some things deserve to die for rather than keep on living on the edge.
PhoenixLeo
A 'perfect woman'? I'm not sure they actually exist. :) lol
PrettyOldSoul
PrettyOldSoul
Asses are also assets...Lol. u kno.. I kill me Sum-Times.
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
Yeppa, that's me...the Badasstard ;-) lol
PrettyOldSoul
I knew that. :) missed you much bro.
smithsh6
I know exactly how you feel!
Amemarie13
I hear you loud and clear...

 
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