That was a million years ago
Ever since my mother passed away ( I still feel weird or even crazy when I say it out loud, like it cannot be true), I became scared of drinking coffee at night, and I'd switch off the lights early on..
The night has been always the time I studied, worked, or just enjoyed myself.. But since I have been having trouble sleeping and an unbelievable muscle pain in my neck because of the lack of rest, or stress or I really don't know what it is, I did not want to make it worse by drinking coffee at night.. though coffee used to be like a sleeping pill to me, I'd drink it, and then sleep..
But tonight, I feel I want to try to enjoy the night again.. I do not know if I can.. At least I am grateful I do not have to deal with the night at my old house.. I am grateful that I am not there anymore. The 14 nights I spent in it after my mum passed away, were HORRIBLE. I really do not know how people keep living in the same house after someone dies, everyone does it, I came out of it running.
It seems though as if this house has been wiped off my memory, because even in my dreams of my mother, being subconscious and all 🤷♀️, the dream either takes place in an unknown house or outside on the street or park, or it happens in the house before that.. last night I dreamt of her in our old house which we left. over five years ago, and which I have never dreamt of ever since we left..
That house had good memories and good years.. All my EP years were in that house, I was on good terms with my mother at the time.. I was studying and moving towards a goal, and knew exactly where I was headed and what I wanted in life.. But more importantly, I enjoyed my night as hell being on EP, blogging, laughing and engaging in relationships, romantic and otherwise, but that feels like a million years ago..
[media=https://youtu.be/CU0pS-BllnM]
[media=https://youtu.be/S8rO_XcnYdM]
The night has been always the time I studied, worked, or just enjoyed myself.. But since I have been having trouble sleeping and an unbelievable muscle pain in my neck because of the lack of rest, or stress or I really don't know what it is, I did not want to make it worse by drinking coffee at night.. though coffee used to be like a sleeping pill to me, I'd drink it, and then sleep..
But tonight, I feel I want to try to enjoy the night again.. I do not know if I can.. At least I am grateful I do not have to deal with the night at my old house.. I am grateful that I am not there anymore. The 14 nights I spent in it after my mum passed away, were HORRIBLE. I really do not know how people keep living in the same house after someone dies, everyone does it, I came out of it running.
It seems though as if this house has been wiped off my memory, because even in my dreams of my mother, being subconscious and all 🤷♀️, the dream either takes place in an unknown house or outside on the street or park, or it happens in the house before that.. last night I dreamt of her in our old house which we left. over five years ago, and which I have never dreamt of ever since we left..
That house had good memories and good years.. All my EP years were in that house, I was on good terms with my mother at the time.. I was studying and moving towards a goal, and knew exactly where I was headed and what I wanted in life.. But more importantly, I enjoyed my night as hell being on EP, blogging, laughing and engaging in relationships, romantic and otherwise, but that feels like a million years ago..
[media=https://youtu.be/CU0pS-BllnM]
[media=https://youtu.be/S8rO_XcnYdM]
31-35, F
