About my last post. Wow. I just tried it and I have a lot of work to do on myself. Never realized how bad my situation had gotten.

Wow. Just played a chess game, a 30 minute rapid game. I lost, but I'm proud of myself. All through the game I was FILLED with anxiety. I legit couldn't sit still, my heart couldn't stop beating fast. I think I need to take seriously the fact that I might have anxiety and work through natural ways to cure it. Like, I couldn't just relax and think. Even as I type this, my hands are still shaking. Really shaking. I want to solve this, and do it the right way- without medicine that'll just numb my senses instead of me working through the pain and figuring out the root cause.

Anyway, how did the game go? I lost. But I'm especially proud of myself because I took the game very slowly, and played very well. However, towards the end of the game, I started running out of time- and so I panicked and eventually lost on time. I was winning the game when I lost, so I'm proud of that. I know I'll do better next time. I think I need to keep doing this regularly and I hope that it'll help cure some of my symptoms. I might eventually need therapy, but this is a good start. I've already noticed that some of the things I was worried about today don't see that important anymore, I feel less anxious about them. I definitely need to keep playing chess.

Going to take a cold shower and hope my hands stop shaking, I have taekwondo practice tonight. Maybe I'll even ask to join the poomsae team, as with poomsae (forms) you need an incredible amount of concentration. This'll be my therapy. I'm starting to see how my anxiety has probably been sabotaging my relationships and life without me even realizing it.