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Does your spouse or partner have to be your best friend?

4meAndyou · F
I don't think it is POSSIBLE to love someone enough to marry them without feeling as though they are your best friend.

If you are talking about sexual partners only, I think most guys don't commit that deeply.
4meAndyou · F
@JimFarris16 Companions for life NEED to be best friends. At least at the start. That sometimes changes as time goes by.

If you decide there is someone else who is more important, your bestie, for example, then you are separating yourself from her in a very weird way. You will leave her alone while you are out having fun with your bestie. Your bestie's opinions will always carry more weight with you than hers.

I think she would begin to resent that.

I am not saying don't have friends. You NEED friends. And so does she.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@4meAndyou oh no, I feel my girlfriend is more important than my best friend.
4meAndyou · F
@JimFarris16 I think you should hold off on marriage. Neither one of you is mature enough for it, IMO.
Lostpoet · M
@JimFarris16 I believe in soulmates so naturally we'd be best friends.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Lostpoet I believe you can have a soulmate who isn't your best friend
Lostpoet · M
@JimFarris16 I agree with that.
SammyJo · 51-55, F
Thinking of the myriad of different ways people connect and fall in love, I guess some people do have their partner as their best friend and some don't.

I'm pretty much an 'all or nothing' kinda chick, so for me, my wife is my best friend....

😋

SJD xx
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@SammyJo Cool. For me, my best friend and my partner are two separate people.
@SammyJo im the same wayy all or 0
I would sure hope so. If not then there isn't much reason to stay with that person outside of having children and perhaps improving social status. Unfortunately that will likely turn into an abusive relationship as the couple get sick of each other with one or possibly both of them cheating which will likely be followed by divorce. Most people have no interest in spending their life with someone that they don't enjoy being with unless they are truly desperate and that never ends well.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@AliceMargatroid It's not that we don't enjoy being with each other, it's just our best friends are different people.
@JimFarris16 I believe a person can have more than one best friend and that they can both be your best friends for different reasons. However, if that's not the case then all I can do is wish you the best of luck.
Zeusdelight · 61-69, M
No. A relationship with a spouse or partner, in my view, will always be deeper and more committed than a relationship with a friend.

In the most difficult commitment, that of a public marriage, people are basically giving their lives to each other, no matter what, publicly in front of others who mean the most to them.

I know, people will say marriage is just a piece of paper, showing they have no idea what marriage actually is. It is tough stuff, hard stuff, that is one of the reasons so many don't make it.

So no, your spouse or partner doesn't have to be your best friend. they have to be so much more:)
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Zeusdelight I've seen many couples call each other their best friends it my partner and I don't do that or consider each other "best friends".
Zeusdelight · 61-69, M
@JimFarris16 That's okay either way. The other thing about exclusive relationships is that they are between two people who decide what is good for them. The only reason to consider what others are doing is whether it is something to learn to include in or exclude from your relationship.

Differences are just that. They are neither good nor bad, they are just differences for you to consider, if you wish.
SW-User
[c=004A59]I think so...because if they aren't, then some one else will be. And if that other person is of the opposite gender, there will be trouble. Even if your best friend is a family member or someone of the same gender, it can feel as if there are 3 people in the relationship instead of two.[/c]
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@SW-User Hmm, I feel differently. I don't think my partner needs to be my best friend.
SW-User
@JimFarris16 [c=004A59]That's entirely up to the two of you.
Each relationship is unique, and what works for one, may not for another.[/c]
SW-User
There aren't any rules with this. Some people prefer their partner be their best friend. It usually means the marriage is a successful one if you're really good friends with your partner. You can have more than one "best friend." One being your partner, the other being a non-sexual one. You're close with each one for different reasons.
Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP
@JimFarris16 oh yh , that happens all the time. I was in a similar situation with my first husband, & our marriage lasted 9 yrs .

He was a lovely guy , and definately a friend ..but not a best friend.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Kae20 Personally, I don't feel the love of my life needs to be my best friend. I'm happy without them being a best friend.
Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP
@JimFarris16 yh its possible that part of your reflection comes down to your age . Once you get past your 30's maybe sooner .

You'll begin to realise that its actually really nice knowing that you have a friendship with your partner that is on a much higher level then your other friends .

Its a very special feeling to have.

Coincidently. I was a teenager as well when I met my 1st hubby.
So understand entirely what you mean 😉
Valentine · M
Even a best friend doesn't understand every part of you. So, perhaps better to have a few good friends than only one best friend. A spouse will always go the extra extra mile to be there for you, just when you need them most.
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JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@OldMan70 Why yes, neither of us like the idea of being in a relationship with our best friend.
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Driver2 · M
I don’t know the answer to that one, but communication is a must
LadyJ · F
No but its a beautiful thing if you find that
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@LadyJ Personally, my girlfriend and I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with our best friend.
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
It certainly helps ...
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@ozgirl512 what if they aren't?
ozgirl512 · 26-30, F
@JimFarris16 Then you're missing out
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@ozgirl512 I don't think I am
nedkelly · 61-69, M
At your age it is just lust,
Lacemaker · 41-45, F
No, they don't have to be.
I knew my husband as a friend before we went out with each other and he grew to be my best friend as we got to know each other better.
Lacemaker · 41-45, F
@JimFarris16 Yes, I can understand. It might ruin that relationship if you date and find out that's not the kind of relationship you want. It's hard to go back to what you had then.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Lacemaker Exactly, which is why prefer to keep my best friend and the love of my life separate.
Lacemaker · 41-45, F
@JimFarris16 Wise 😄
WandererTony · 56-60, M
Nope. Not wise.
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
In some ways
If your partner is ur best friend there are lot of things u know about each other.. but in case u end up braking up u lose ur best friend as well as ur partner.. so it’s a lil tricky
sassypants · 36-40, F
It's nice but I learned not really a good idea. Maybe if I trust you enough I could get married after 5 years. You need to have a confidante also.
That is the idea situation, since this is the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@TheSentinel what if my partner isn't my best friend?
@JimFarris16 That's something you'll have figure out how to make work for you. My wife and I are best friends and I can't imagine it being any other way for us. We got married 4 days after my 19th birthday, and we just celebrated our 39th anniversary.
kimlovesummer · 18-21, F
I've read all the answers and it seems the answer to your question is whatever works for you and your partner. 😊
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WendyLopez43 · 26-30, F
Fuck no, I don't want them to be my best friend lol.
2nd best. You need a confidante.
Justlookin · 51-55, M
Doesn’t hurt!
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Justlookin they aren't lol
SW-User
REMsleep · 41-45, F
No depends what kind of marriage you prefer. If its a love marriage then it does work out well if they are your best friend. But some marriages work very well when the spouses are more of partners than friends each supporting some aspect of life that the other needs.
I always wanted a best friend soulmate but after my marriage that I am in now I don't care.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@REMsleep I feel if the relationship ends, it'll ruin our friendship.
REMsleep · 41-45, F
@JimFarris16 Most people who get married and then divorced aren't truly friends afterwards anyway. All things worthwhile will incur some risk if you are worried about loosing a friend.
If you take on a spouse that sees you as a partner they may be more likely to not be there for you in the worst of times since maybe you can't hold up all aspects of your end of the bargin.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@REMsleep I see what you mean but, both of us would prefer being more of partners than best friends.
Allelse · 36-40, M
Absolutely.
Justenjoyit · 56-60, M
Tricky question.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@Justenjoyit how so?
Justenjoyit · 56-60, M
@JimFarris16 Not everyone wants a partner to be their best friend.
Not at all. It’s great if you can have a friendship too, but it’s not necessarily the same type of relationship.
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@bijouxbroussard I see a lot of couples consider each other to be their best friends, but my girlfriend and I don't.
SW-User
JimFarris16 · 18-21, M
@SW-User mine isn't, but we still click.

 
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