I found out my (F42) bf (M26) is seeing a counsellor to try and move past some things regarding him and I and I'm not sure how to bring it up to him?
So a little context here: I'm 42 female and divorced. He's 26 male and was a virgin before he met me waiting for the right woman. He went through a drug addiction that he was in when I first met him and had a lot of emotional issues and childhood neglect and trauma that he had to work past but he really pulled through it all and changed himself for the better. He's ripped now and skilled and talented at a lot of things and is just all around a really sweet guy.
I used to be a call girl in my 20s and he knows this and I went through my own alcoholism and string of rough relationships until I met my husband, fell in love and divorced after ten years few months ago. My bf has been my friend for a couple years and has been incredibly supportive and I started seeing him a while ago.
We had a talk about what we both want. I spent a couple months after my divorced kind of exploring around sexually and we continued to hang out and things went how they go and one night I realized I wanted him. We talked about what we both want because he's a lot younger and a really sweet sentimental guy and I knew he wouldn't just want a fling and tbh I wanted to give him a try. But while we were talking I sort of dumped a lot of my past onto him and was worried he'd see me different. There were a couple times when I was 22 working as a call girl when I'd get requested by high profile clients who wanted me to do threesomes or gang bangs and here he was around that age working diligently in College and I know he's secretly insecure about his body because he used to be that lonely, skinny sad kid who got picked on all the time and he still thinks of himself as a loser like that and now he's gorgeous and ripped. He was incredibly understanding with it all and just consoled me on all the fears and told me none of it matters because we're together now and he gets to have me which honestly made me feel so giddy. I struggled with turning 42 recently.
He left his phone unlocked while he was in the shower recently and I couldn't help but notice a girl texting him. I didn't think he was cheating since he's too romantic for that but I looked anyway and I read the entire string of texts...he's seeing a counsellor. He's been seeing her for a couple months, a little while after we started seeing each other. It honestly made me feel so bad to see what he sent her: Stuff about how he's jealous and somewhat resentful and hurt over my past and not just the call girl part but the relationships I had in high school and he doesn't think I can actually see the real him and he feels like a loser for having been 26 and still a virgin and doesn't think I value how he waited as much as he does. One of the real stinging texts also mentioned how he's worried since I've been married before I can never really love again and he's not the love of my life and he hears me talk about my past and sees my old photos and just feels bad that he couldn't have been there or had something like I did. He also mentioned to her that he can't tell me anything because he doesn't want me to feel bad like something's wrong with me. I guess he texts her what he wants to talk about before sessions. From what I can tell he's had 5 or 6 so far.
I know it was wrong of me to look. And I didn't bring it up to him, he came out of the shower and we just went to dinner as planned. I think he can tell something's wrong though because tbh I just don't feel great. It just hurts to know that he keeps this from me and has so much turmoil over what we have that he goes to a counsellor over it and I don't know how to bring it up to him because he'll know I looked. All of that stuff he said the night we talked about things and the way he was so confident and consoling is just some lie.
What the hell do I do with this?
I used to be a call girl in my 20s and he knows this and I went through my own alcoholism and string of rough relationships until I met my husband, fell in love and divorced after ten years few months ago. My bf has been my friend for a couple years and has been incredibly supportive and I started seeing him a while ago.
We had a talk about what we both want. I spent a couple months after my divorced kind of exploring around sexually and we continued to hang out and things went how they go and one night I realized I wanted him. We talked about what we both want because he's a lot younger and a really sweet sentimental guy and I knew he wouldn't just want a fling and tbh I wanted to give him a try. But while we were talking I sort of dumped a lot of my past onto him and was worried he'd see me different. There were a couple times when I was 22 working as a call girl when I'd get requested by high profile clients who wanted me to do threesomes or gang bangs and here he was around that age working diligently in College and I know he's secretly insecure about his body because he used to be that lonely, skinny sad kid who got picked on all the time and he still thinks of himself as a loser like that and now he's gorgeous and ripped. He was incredibly understanding with it all and just consoled me on all the fears and told me none of it matters because we're together now and he gets to have me which honestly made me feel so giddy. I struggled with turning 42 recently.
He left his phone unlocked while he was in the shower recently and I couldn't help but notice a girl texting him. I didn't think he was cheating since he's too romantic for that but I looked anyway and I read the entire string of texts...he's seeing a counsellor. He's been seeing her for a couple months, a little while after we started seeing each other. It honestly made me feel so bad to see what he sent her: Stuff about how he's jealous and somewhat resentful and hurt over my past and not just the call girl part but the relationships I had in high school and he doesn't think I can actually see the real him and he feels like a loser for having been 26 and still a virgin and doesn't think I value how he waited as much as he does. One of the real stinging texts also mentioned how he's worried since I've been married before I can never really love again and he's not the love of my life and he hears me talk about my past and sees my old photos and just feels bad that he couldn't have been there or had something like I did. He also mentioned to her that he can't tell me anything because he doesn't want me to feel bad like something's wrong with me. I guess he texts her what he wants to talk about before sessions. From what I can tell he's had 5 or 6 so far.
I know it was wrong of me to look. And I didn't bring it up to him, he came out of the shower and we just went to dinner as planned. I think he can tell something's wrong though because tbh I just don't feel great. It just hurts to know that he keeps this from me and has so much turmoil over what we have that he goes to a counsellor over it and I don't know how to bring it up to him because he'll know I looked. All of that stuff he said the night we talked about things and the way he was so confident and consoling is just some lie.
What the hell do I do with this?
41-45, F
