New profile but not a new member

I’ve been on this site before. Canceled my last account because there were a lot of creeps in my inbox. But I made another profile so maybe I could come back and vent anonymously. I live in a small town, and everybody knows everything about each other. Everyone gossips about each other. So it’s not like I really have anybody to talk to and keep things secret. I’ve been in multiple abusive relationships all my life. I don’t even know what a healthy relationship looks like. My current partner told me all the things that I wanted to hear in the beginning. That I deserve better. I’m beautiful and special and all that other crap. But then continues to abuse me. Make comments about my hair, my weight and my clothes. Tells me that I never do anything to “enhance myself “. I work a job where I need to have my hair pulled back and my hair is frizzy and hard to manage. My partner gets on me about wearing my hair down to enhance myself. Seems like some main stream media brainwashed BS to me. My partner doesn’t except me for who I am. Told me I never exercise and then went on to talk about how in shape they were. I asked them if that implies to me being fat and they replied take it how you want it. Totally implies that I’m fat. And I didn’t think I was. I might’ve gained a little weight recently, but I didn’t think I looked that bad. And trying to wear my hair down just to please my partner is really frustrating. I don’t like my hair. I prefer to have it back and out of the way. I just don’t understand anymore. Feels like nothing I ever do is good enough. I used to be so happy and confident. Think that I was beautiful and that I could do anything. But that’s all gone now.