Lets talk about healing
With current rates of sexual abuse by the age of eighteen at one in three or four girls, and one in six boys, one can gather that many of us have indeed experienced that particular trauma. It’s indeed often the shame attached to it that kept us from taking the first steps towards healing in the first place, and that is, of course, start talking about it and start licking the wounds.
At the very beginning of our adult life we often don’t want to share the story with anyone else. We’re sure others will confirm how we need to feel about ourselves. It would make us feel nothing but worthless again. Moreover, also because the shame itself tells us each day that we are not worthy of healing. We start to believe that it's all we’re good for and that we’ll never deserve any better.
Regardless of what has happened to us in the past, whether our sexuality was robbed from us, whether we were abused, used, or even gave in willingly, we're still worthy of real love and this regardless of how we’re treated, or what others might say. That's sometimes hard to start believing if everyone in our adult life has only wanted a piece of us for their own selfish motives.
For those who haven’t experienced sexual abuse, they might find it hard to imagine that anyone who has experienced sexual abuse as a child could ever believe that the abuse was their own fault. It's so common that the first step in healing for the abuse victim is to recognize and acknowledge that the abuse was against their will, and not their fault, regardless of how their bodies responded.
No, the victims in no way did deserve it, they're never to blame. Often the beginning and hardest step of healing is transferring the blame they’ve carried from themselves to the person where it belongs, onto him or her who exposed them as a child to sex and used them for their own pleasure. Moreover, when one has been used or abused with sex, it damages also the proper adult view of sex.
Even Christians like myself know that sex was made to be good, pure, and pleasurable, but it's nevertheless still used as a source to pain and wound the other. Healing ourselves means clearing the deck of those wants ourselves. It also means restoring all relationships, because we’ll be finally able to reconcile ourselves to us. Being at peace with ourselves frees us to be at peace with others.
The first step and often the hardest is thus acknowledging what happened to us, and with abuse or trauma, often we can’t even remember clearly what happened. The sole creative exercise that really works is trying to reconstruct ourselves of what happened for real in the first place. In short, in most cases it's indeed about the lost of innocence.
Because many of us feel responsible for the loss ourselves, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, and even more, we need to grieve. As we grieve, something or someone will be able to comfort and heal us. Being on the lookout for such a thing or person, that there, that's the real exercise that will help you walk through the grief process.
For many years one might have believed that people with certain firm believes were the only ones who was heaping shame. The problem that I had also as a Christian, was no matter how many times I asked God for forgiveness, I still had shame. Only after starting to talk about it with someone else that actually started off the healing process, I discovered that God didn't see me the way I saw myself back then.
Finally, one needs to remember that the bonding of sex is not only physical, but also spiritual, emotional. and mental. This includes the chemical and hormonal bonding that happens. Although we’d like to believe that breaking up and moving on severs that bond it never really happens. Healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
At the very beginning of our adult life we often don’t want to share the story with anyone else. We’re sure others will confirm how we need to feel about ourselves. It would make us feel nothing but worthless again. Moreover, also because the shame itself tells us each day that we are not worthy of healing. We start to believe that it's all we’re good for and that we’ll never deserve any better.
Regardless of what has happened to us in the past, whether our sexuality was robbed from us, whether we were abused, used, or even gave in willingly, we're still worthy of real love and this regardless of how we’re treated, or what others might say. That's sometimes hard to start believing if everyone in our adult life has only wanted a piece of us for their own selfish motives.
For those who haven’t experienced sexual abuse, they might find it hard to imagine that anyone who has experienced sexual abuse as a child could ever believe that the abuse was their own fault. It's so common that the first step in healing for the abuse victim is to recognize and acknowledge that the abuse was against their will, and not their fault, regardless of how their bodies responded.
No, the victims in no way did deserve it, they're never to blame. Often the beginning and hardest step of healing is transferring the blame they’ve carried from themselves to the person where it belongs, onto him or her who exposed them as a child to sex and used them for their own pleasure. Moreover, when one has been used or abused with sex, it damages also the proper adult view of sex.
Even Christians like myself know that sex was made to be good, pure, and pleasurable, but it's nevertheless still used as a source to pain and wound the other. Healing ourselves means clearing the deck of those wants ourselves. It also means restoring all relationships, because we’ll be finally able to reconcile ourselves to us. Being at peace with ourselves frees us to be at peace with others.
The first step and often the hardest is thus acknowledging what happened to us, and with abuse or trauma, often we can’t even remember clearly what happened. The sole creative exercise that really works is trying to reconstruct ourselves of what happened for real in the first place. In short, in most cases it's indeed about the lost of innocence.
Because many of us feel responsible for the loss ourselves, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, and even more, we need to grieve. As we grieve, something or someone will be able to comfort and heal us. Being on the lookout for such a thing or person, that there, that's the real exercise that will help you walk through the grief process.
For many years one might have believed that people with certain firm believes were the only ones who was heaping shame. The problem that I had also as a Christian, was no matter how many times I asked God for forgiveness, I still had shame. Only after starting to talk about it with someone else that actually started off the healing process, I discovered that God didn't see me the way I saw myself back then.
Finally, one needs to remember that the bonding of sex is not only physical, but also spiritual, emotional. and mental. This includes the chemical and hormonal bonding that happens. Although we’d like to believe that breaking up and moving on severs that bond it never really happens. Healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
