Was my friend right?

He noticed how happy I am in my relationship. But how I just can't seem to let go of some things from my past relationship with my ex. His verdict is that I haven't 100% moved on, that there might be a tiny, 1% of things I'm holding on to.

I had her blocked everywhere, even on LinkedIn (lol). But on my graduation she sent me a congratulatory message on the fellowship group chat we're on, the only place she could reach me.

I simply responded "thanks!", nice and short.

Then.

Today's her birthday- my friend told me to be the bigger man, unblock her, and tell her happy birthday. Not to engage her in conversation, but just to tell her happy birthday. His opinion is that if I can't talk to/see her without feeling mad, that I haven't fully moved on.

So I did- I unblocked her, told her happy birthday. I was still a little annoyed while typing it. She replied just now, saying congrats on my graduation again, and, trying to start conversation asking if things are going well for me. I replied "thanks!" and ignored her questions about how things are going. And then just reacted with a thumbs up and kept it moving. I think that's the last bit of conversation I'm ever going to have with her.

Was I this okay to do?

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iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@REMsleep Why is her advice stupid? You basically said the same thing….

REMsleep · 41-45, F

@iamonfire696 Sorry I was not clear. I was agreeing with her. She said that his friend gave stupid advice so I was trying to say yes I agree 100% stupid advice.

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WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

Yes. I wouldn’t have reached out due to someone else telling me to. It’s better to listen to yourself for these thing

eyeno · M

[b]forgiveness/fellowship[/b]
Just an analogy:

[b]forgiveness[/b]
If you've hired a babysitter and later found out they were convicted of child abuse. You can still [b]forgive[/b] them for not telling you so and have friendly conversations.

[b]fellowship[/b]
You'd probably not invite them to a family dinner.

In any case its you who'll have to find the root of your excess-baggage to move on.

deadgerbil · 22-25

Idk, sometimes a clean break is required for relationships. Messaging them about x y z to be the bigger person can open the floodgates to more messages and kick over a can of worms. Probably best to leave it as it is and ignore future messages from her/block her

Theyitis · 36-40, M

I think it’s okay. I think it’s okay to still be friends with your ex too if you want to.

WaryWitchWandering · 36-40, F

@Theyitis he didn’t want to though (according to post),,, his friend nudged him

Theyitis · 36-40, M

@WaryWitchWandering That might be from a misguided sense that being friends with your ex is unacceptable when you have a new significant other.

Vivaci

If you don’t want to go back, then don’t confuse her by unblocking her.

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