How do you even know what you want in a relationship?

I was born to parents who found it difficult to love each other and be open with each other let alone us as Children. They didn’t even talk to us about things. I was 19 when I found out they weren’t even married, you just assume you know? Everyone else’s parents were married or divorced not living together with the same name but not married. I grew up on American TV which taught me that there is love for me. I spent nights staring up at the stars, literally praying to god (I was catholic, an altar boy) that he would send me someone who loved me. I was overweight and the 90’s were not kind to me, I developed confidence issues and fell in love with every single girl that was nice to me. They did not return my feelings and when I eventually found someone in my 19th year on this planet willing to sleep with me she said she didn’t want to but she would anyway, I clung to her as hard as I could but kept looking for more. She lived at my parents house for three years with me till I started sleeping with her best friend who was in a terrible relationship. She needed me and acted like she wanted me, but she didn’t really she just wanted out. I split with my girlfriend (I lied profusely in the breakup, something I still hate) i got her friend pregnant three months later. The wife is still my wife. Over the years I’ve learned a few things that she’s told me. She tricked me into having the kid and marriage. She never loved me but she does now? About 2012 I found her in a darkened bedroom with another man. I broke down, started self harming, became suicidal, learned to live with the desire to kill myself. I yearn even now, for that someone that loves me. Every night I walk my dogs and I look up at the stars and I hate god.

Anyway, you asked for experiences and I saw most guys were giving you advice you didn’t ask for so I thought I’d share.

Toodles.

My experience.

Wild teens, stupidly married too young to a complete tosser. Promised myself never to get tied to one guy after that. For a while more wild times thrn they caught up with me. So got sober.

Since then it was fwb all the way. So agree with much you write here. Then invited guy who was homeless to live with me. Soon he was sharing my bed. I expected him to soon move on but then... We sort of realised we worked good together. So we are still together. But I still have fwbs as I have much higher labido than him.

It can’t happen without learning to love yourself. That can be a rough go.

If you can get past that hurdle, I just believe in a few life basics: exercise daily, have a healthy diet, smile often and get out in the sun.

Your personality will do the rest. Also, take the first step with men. Ask them out. Tell them what you want physically. I highly doubt you’ll fail. You seem too fun and honest.

Sounds like you're having a hard time pair bonding or hormones are in full effect. Seek a therapist and don't date until you are done healing. If your sex drive is significantly high it's best to have a partner around the same levels. FWB always beats dealing with a random.

It's tough. What i used to be and what I am now is different. Evolve. It sounds so much like what you're talking of.
Weight your options,be careful,seek good council.
I wish you the best.

Do what works for you. I'm in a loving what seems like sex free relationship, I won't cheat but I fantasize about strangers, not my partner.

I see a lot of research going on here. You seem to be on the lines of KYEP in the context of length of content.
✌️

Major fall helps one recall the decision of already committed blunder.

Having things in common and doing things together
Is a big help ❤️