I'll probably be dead within the next decade or so.

I have a feeling I wasn't meant to live long. I was always the sickly kid growing up. I was in the emergency room so often I was known by first name by some of the staff. As an adult I still wind up in the emergency room quite a bit. They should give me a punch card so I can get a free visit. I'll probably die of something heart related because that thing has given me the most grief in my life thus far. Heart problems run in my family big time. Lots of people have died from strokes or heart attacks I had a heart attack but survived thankfully. I try not to let it bother me but I just don't see myself living past 50. This February I will be 45 and even then I think that is pushing it.

In the pre covid world it was funny seeing my coworkers or friends reactions. I would come into work after being in the hospital and everyone would look at me like I was nuts for being here. I'd be hanging out with some friends with a fever saying oh I'll go to the doctors later. Oh I will come by a bit later I'm waiting on discharge papers. That's just how my life has been and how I roll so to speak. 2021 I have been lucky to not have any issues yet but we shall see.