Off to be a responsible adult I go.

We have a group of 75 elderly folks coming in late tonight, so if I’m not back by midnight please send out a rescue party consisting of well-toned tattooed men who only know of colognes that smell insanely good, have deep voices that can easily call for me whether it’s a whisper or dramatic yell, and have the talent of getting into tight places…with their crotch rockets.

…please and thank you 🙃