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The dissonance from the narcissist is real

I’d be interested to know if anyone else who suffered through a friendship or relationship with a narcissist experienced similar to me with this.

They would say to me “I always love hearing what you have to say” so I’d try and talk to them about things that friends talk about. What I was watching on tv, books I’d read, asking them about their day, trying for the nice back and forth conversation I was used to from most other people in my life.

In return, I would get very long text or video monologues of themself doing something unrelated to what I was saying and then when I’d try to continue with that topic, I’d get nothing. Or they’d be giving me one word answers or, most bizarrely, repeating words I’d said back to me as a response. So I’d say something like “oh I saw this new show on tv the other night” and I’d get “watchy tv. You tv watcher” in response. I get that sometimes it’s alright to be like that but this was every time. I would sometimes say “I’m not social media, why do I feel like you’re just posting on me” and they would deny it and accuse me of being dramatic and paranoid.

Always “I’m never bored by you, I love talking to you” and then they would show absolutely no interest and absolute boredom in what I had to say. There was zero back and forth unless it was on a topic they liked (that was a narrow field) when they wanted to make themselves seem better than me, or when they wanted something from me. An ego boost or whatever. Literally no attempt at continuing a conversation. It was all SO DRY and I would try so hard to keep the conversation going but totally one sided.

When I would eventually get frustrated and tired of it (the messages from them would keep coming even when I had stopped because there was no point) they would go on the attack. They’d get angry really fast. There would always be an excuse. They’re tired, they’re busy, they can’t always be interested in what I have to say or remember stuff. They love me, why isn’t that enough for me. Why aren’t they enough, why don’t they just go then, they’re done, they’ve had enough, they do so much for me why can’t I just be happy etc. They could never grasp or didn’t want to grasp that yes, that’s wonderful but words are just words and there is no attempt at connection here beyond those words.

I remember getting to a point where I said to them. “I AM A HUMAN BEING” because I felt…I don’t know, so dehumanised and denigrated by them. The extreme dissonance of being told “I love talking to you” and then the behaviour saying something completely opposite is crazy making for sure. I guess that was the intention ☹️
You are getting at the dissonance, the chords where you weren't heard very well, and I do imagine a true narcissist can't, and they will know how to manipulate you until you feel they are, even when they are not listening to you.

But there are truly many shades to humanity, people socially, and I think we are too quick to label now. I'm not sure the measure, they didn't know how to relate or give themselves emotionally, is the mark of true narcissism?
I hear you it’s like they want to find someone who can teach them how to love

Which in itself is a commendable thing to do right ? So we oblige … because the people they choose are very empathetic

Then they see how it is … how their hearts could be and at times they are lovely and say all the right things

Now this part is where I truly believe they could flip the switch on themselves if they wanted to

They could give up the dark complexities and keep it simple

But they don’t … they soon slip back into their twisted world of fuckery

They are more comfortable there

So the empath tries again and again and by this point the narc just thinks fuq it I’m just gonna indulge in this love that this person is giving me and still stay in my own selfish world

Until they get bored … then that’s it they cut the empath off and move onto their next supply

They don’t appreciate a good person when they have them in their lives

Their sense of superiority is by far greater than another life

They choose evil over good

Yet they need their fix from good people… a sordid twisted game they just want to win

I say let em win

It will be a short lived victory’

Bless em 🤍

@ThreeLittleBirds When giving your heart in empathy and one looking to win with knowing the right words, who can't feel the words they give, in my heart the empath and one who gives love is the one "winning" if we need to see that way, but for how they look in love and needing of real expression they somehow know they are not being given, they lose. 💔 For they are hurt, while the other one not able to actually feel can just move on, for it was never anything for them.

You just have to trust your intuition and heart. And try not to let the feeling fooled once, fooled twice, and on spill upon your other relationships. I wish people would not toy with emotions and play with them.
Weird is definitely one way to describe it

And I like weird … a good kinda weird 🥴

They just love chaos … destruction and that’s a bad kinda weird for sure

Labels are overused I agree that’s why education is important , to know how to use labels correctly not at random without putting it into the right context 🏷️

I spent a lot of time surrounded by narcs , and I remember thinking to myself “what is this … who are you … how can you do what you do … do you have a conscience “

I wondered about the narcs and what their label’ was … I was open minded about it and discreet , never labelling them as anything knowing I had to get my facts right before doing so

Then I began to educate myself in their behaviour and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle were out together and i discovered their label 🏷️


A true identified label of a person who’s conscience isn’t fully developed

It’s a legit chemical and biological thing

So they literally cannot help who they are unless they actually want to and change is possible

If they want it badly enough

That’s when therapy kicks into touch … and the reprogramming of themselves begins.

There’s alot of narcs who have done this … it’s admirable imho because they are literally taking accountability for themselves and for a narc to do that is pretty extraordinary

It’s the narcs who indulge in fuqing up good people 24/7 relentlessly who never want change who I avoid.

They have no place in my life.

Dolimyte · 41-45, M
"I love talking to you" is narcissist for "I like that you listeñ to me."
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WhyThooo · 31-35
Sounds like my older sister. It makes you feel crazy when people reach out but never listen and just want to talk about themsleves and say things you have told them 1000 times bother you (like my sister always apologizing for her appearance in video calls. Like I fucking care about if her hair is brushed or if she's not wearing makeup. I feel like she says it because in her opinion I look worse and she likes drawing attention to shallow things that don't matter instead of responding to what I actually said.) Anyway, I relate to the feeling you speak of.
I thought I could save a narcissist once ~ even walked in their shoes to get a better understanding of who they are , played their game for a little while.

I fuqing tried I can tell you that much … I still love that machine , I can do that in memory

In the end we are just two different kinds of people.

I’m warm and fuzzy … they are cold and prickly

Then we die 💀

That’s when it’s ultimately Game Over for the narc that’s why they are obsessed with it which is a joke considering they could change that if they wanted to.

They choose to be who they are.

In a miserable existence with only themselves to blame.
@ThreeLittleBirds I agree. The bit in the beginning where they were very intense and loving etc really got me bad. It ended up with me just going through the motions and them not realising or not choosing to realise anything had changed. A sad realisation indeed.
Miram · 31-35, F
You said they were different at the beginning?
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