I’m falling in this dream called life.

I feel numb. When I look at my life from the pov of others, it’s quite good or at least - that’s how it should feel. But it doesn’t. I feel numb and those “amazing things” in my life don’t feel right, deserved... I hate it. I hate this. I hate me. I don’t deserve good things in life. It’s tiring. It’s getting worse again and I don’t know how to deal with it, at least in a healthy way.

“I am not alone” I tell myself as the loneliness eats away at my heart.
“I am not paranoid” I tell myself when every single time once I overthing it gets harder to breath.
“I’m okay” I tell myself as I am digging my own the grave.